#64: You’ve Changed. Build Habits That Honor Who You Are Now

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Have you noticed that the things that used to work — the food routines, the money habits, the way you moved or worked or dreamed — just don’t anymore? I’ve been there too. In midlife, everything shifts: your energy, your roles, even your dreams. So why do we expect the same habits to keep working?

This episode is a gentle invitation to pause, reassess, and ask: what actually supports me in this season? We’ll talk about everything from career transitions to changing family dynamics to that moment when your body says, “Nope, not like we used to.” If you’re feeling the tension between who you were and who you’re becoming, this conversation is for you.

Three Takeaways From This Episode:

• Letting go of habits that no longer serve you creates space for ease and alignment
• You’re allowed to dream from where you are, not where you used to be
• Relationships grow when we update our roles to match the season we’re in

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Transcript

Speaker 3 0:07

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:30

Well, hello my friend. Welcome back to the Distracted Dreamer. I'm your host Carlene, and I'm so glad that you're here Today we are going to be talking about something that's been on my heart and my mind lately, and honestly, something that's been showing up in my own life over and over again, like for years and what I'm talking about are habits that used to work, behaviors that used to get us through, and they're just not working anymore. Do you ever feel like that, like the way you used to eat or move or budget or plan or even dream, just functioning. It just doesn't feel right anymore. Or worse, maybe it feels like it's actively working against you. Well, first I wanna tell you, you are not alone. This is a real honest part of midlife or the second half of life, and no one really prepares you for it. So today we're not talking about how to build habits. We've all seen enough of those tips, right? Today we're talking about what happens when the systems and the routines that used to fit well, they just don't anymore. And what it means to let go of the old stuff and start showing up for who you are and where you are right now. So let me tell you a little story about when this all started clicking for me. I remember the shift. I was in my forties, I was in perimenopause. I didn't feel like myself at all. I was gaining weight for no reason. I was exhausted, foggy, and nothing was working. It was like, okay, what is happening? So I went. To talk to a health and wellness coach, and I expected a long list of things I needed to start or stop doing. But instead after I told her everything what I was eating, how I was moving, how I was sleeping, she just paused and said, you know, you're in a different place now. The things that used to work don't work for you anymore. And something about that just landed really hard because it, it wasn't about blame and it wasn't even about fixing anything. It was just about recognizing that my life and my body and my mind had evolved and I had a choice. I could try to keep operating like I did 10 years ago and fight that constant resistance, or I could choose to shift. But in a very like gentle, intentional way that actually works for who I am now in that moment, it gave me permission to stop trying to go back and start figuring out how to move forward. So let's talk about. What that might look like, because it's not just about health. This shift, it shows up in all areas of life. I picked the big ones, so let's talk about financial shift. I know. Let's talk about the money. And I know this one can bring up a lot, and I wanna start by saying not everyone is in a better financial place in midlife. For some of us, this isn't the season of reaping the rewards. It's the season of catching up, and that's not a failure, that's just life. So if that is where you are. This is your chance to look at the second half of life and make some choices about it. Maybe you spent decades pouring into your kids, your house, your work, and now you're just starting task. What about me? What do I need financially to feel secure or to rest or to dream a little? So if that's where you are, I want you to know I see you. You are not behind. You're just ready to turn toward your future, even if you're doing it a little later than you hoped. And that's really powerful. Maybe that means finally setting up a savings account just for you. Maybe it's saying, I love you, but know when your grown kids ask for financial help that you really can't give. Mm. Maybe it's skipping the guilt and making your first ever appointment with a financial advisor, someone who can help you look at the whole picture and say, here's where you are. Let's make a plan from here and listen. Even small changes count. Maybe it's automating a tiny amount of money to go into savings each month. Maybe it's canceling subscriptions you forgot about. Maybe it's about doing some meal planning to cut down on takeout or finally learning about that 401k that you've been ignoring because it just feels too overwhelming. So you are not expected to fix everything overnight, but you can start building new habits from where you are right now. Now, maybe you're in a different place where the investments you've made over the years, whether that's literal financial investments or just all the hard work that you've put in are starting to pay off and suddenly you have some freedom, you have some options, and if you are in a more stable place financially, then maybe this is your moment to dream a little, to book the trip. To start the hobby. For me, it looked like finally replacing my 11-year-old Toyota. She had a really good run and she served me well, but I guess it was time to say goodbye. Um, but you just wanna make sure that your habits match your current reality. Not the scarcity mindset you lived in 10 or 20 years ago, because we carry that stuff with us because yeah, it's a habit and sometimes we don't even realize it. So wherever you're standing, whether you're playing catch up or you're finally exhaling a little, just ask yourself, What does financial care look like for me in this season? Not just care for everyone else, but care for me. Okay, now let's shift into career transitions because for many of us, this is the season when we start asking what's next, maybe you've stepped away from the thing you've built your whole life around, or maybe you're thinking about stepping away, and that can feel really exciting. But it can also feel really scary because for so long our work has been about responsibility, about providing, about raising families, about paying bills, doing what needed to be done. But now you might be asking what would it look like to do something just because I love it. What does that look like for you? Something that brings you joy or purpose or maybe even a little bit of peace. I wanna share a story about my husband because he was, and still is a great provider to our family financially. And he did not have very many options because of that responsibility. So he was never able to go explore. So as a woman, if you have felt that weight, also, uh, I think his story will resonate with you. So he worked in supply chain for McDonald's for 28 years, an entire career. And when he retired, he had to figure out what was next, not what he had to do, but what he wanted to do. And now he's the VP of supply chain at a food bank here in Tennessee. And what's so cool is he's using everything he learned from working in one of the most efficient supply chains in the world and helping redesign how food gets to the people who need it most. It's literally changing the entire system. And you know what? It lights him up and it's so good to see that when he comes home, at the end of the day, he doesn't have the stress that he used to have. He's actually excited about what he's doing. After Christmas dinner this past year, we were going around the table like we always do, and we were talking about what we were proud of from the year and what we were looking forward to in 2026. And he said, you know, car, if you don't mind, I'd really like to keep doing what I'm doing. I'm helping people like I never thought I could and it feels good. And I love the people I work with. They have such big hearts and they make such a difference. And I was like, of course you keep going. You do that. You don't need to ask permission. Keep going. And honestly. What a gift for him to feel that kind of purpose beyond a paycheck and for the people he's helping, because his experience is now in service of something that's deeply meaningful to him. So I want you to think about that. If you are at a crossroads, could this be the season that you say yes to something new? Maybe it's something small. Maybe it's something you can do locally or creatively, or maybe it's just something that's kinda light and fun, or maybe it is something big, a dream that you've been holding onto for years. The point is it doesn't have to look like what came before, and it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. It doesn't have to be like, oh, this is the next most logical step for me. Forget logic, what I want you to do is I want you to ask yourself, what would I love to wake up to? What would make me feel useful and connected and alive? Because this season it isn't an ending, and it might be the most meaningful beginning that you've ever had. Just think about that. Okay. Let's take a deep breath because we are going to talk about our bodies. They have changed and they are continuing to change, and that's not a flaw. It's just part of being a woman in this beautiful, messy midlife space. So instead of fighting it, what would it look like to work with it? We know we need more weight bearing exercise now. It protects our bones. We know sleep isn't what it used to be. And maybe that means no screens before bed. Maybe it means talking to your doctor about some supplements. And yes, advocating for yourself. If your doctor isn't listening to your needs, find one who will move on and find one. Who will. And then there's our food and nutrition. I've had to adjust here too. Oh my gosh. I have to tell you a story. I went to visit my daughter last week in Chicago, coldest trip of the year. Every year when I go and we always celebrate her birthday together, we do a spa day and we have like all these wonderful fun talks at night sitting on the couch and we both just love it. And this year. I indulged a little bit. I'm talking deep dish pizza, uh, Portillos Hot dogs. Oh, delicious. All the good stuff. And then the Bloody Mary, when I was out with a friend, it was my first drink in over a year, and it was so tempting. But y'all, my a ring basically screamed at me the next morning. My readiness score was at an all time low. I felt terrible and it was such a reminder. My body doesn't bounce back like it used to, and that's okay, but I have to honor that. After I woke up that morning, I was like, I need to reset. I front loaded with protein. I skipped the alcohol, and I felt so much better. So my question for you is what habits would support your body better? Now, it might be habits around your sleep, habits around your movement, how you exercise, or it might be about giving up the things that you used to love that were such a treat. I know this is so hard. It's so hard to give up the things that we love, even though they make us feel bad, but if they don't make you feel good, you just have to make a choice. Take some time to pay attention to what's going on for yourself physically and things that you can control. Control them. Alright, let's move on. And talk about relationships in midlife because they are shifting. there are two relationships that I wanna talk about here. One is our relationship with our now grown kids. What does that look like?'cause it's very different from parent child. These are now adult to adult relationships. And the other relationship is the relationship with our parents. Where the tables turn, it actually, it completely flips and we find ourself parenting our parents. Let's start with our kids. So the other day, one of mine called to vent about work, and I'm in full mom mode. I've got advice, I've got insight, like, you know, I've got a whole Ted talk locked and loaded, and then I hear it in my head. Um, stop. You don't need to fix it. She just needs to talk through it. So I slowly back away from the advice and I just go into listening mode. Because here's the thing, they're not kids anymore. They're grown, they're adults, and they're navigating real life and they're doing a great job. And they don't need us to swoop in with a solution unless they ask. Sometimes they just need us to listen without turning it into a lecture or a self-help TED talk. I am still working on that. Think about what your kids need right now and always pause in the conversation if you're gonna give advice. Ask permission to give advice. If you wanna give your perspective or share a story, ask permission. Can I share a story with you? I do that in my coaching sessions with my clients and it's very respectful and honestly, nobody has ever said, no, don't do that. Okay, let's move on to the relationship with our parents as they're aging. You know, my mom recently text me and every single word was in all caps. It's just so funny. I'm like, you know, you're yelling at me right now through text. And I thought something was wrong. And it turns out she was asking me for some help with her printer. Okay. I'm in Tennessee, she's in Illinois, so I'm thinking, oh, okay. Um, and she doesn't have like the same kind of phone as me, so we couldn't FaceTime or anything. So I'm trying to get information from her. I don't know. You've probably been in the same position. The point is that, you know, maybe you've become the tech support, or maybe you're the one who manages the calendar with doctor's appointments. Um, or you're the one saying, did you take your meds today? It's wild, right? Like one minute you're being grounded for missing curfew, and the next you're explaining how to open up A PDF for the third time, we do it with love, always with love, but our relationships, they're evolving. And it's okay if it feels a little awkward or funny or like you're in the world's weirdest sandwich generation club because that is the club we are in. That is where we are. This is just part of evolving. And these connections, they still matter so much, but how we tend to them now, it might need to shift. In fact, I know it needs to shift. Okay, let's move on to our dreams. Because the dreams we had in our twenties and thirties, they mattered. They helped shape us, but some of them, they've shifted, and we don't always talk about that. How letting go of a dream doesn't mean that you failed. It might just mean that you grew, you evolved. You want something different now, and that's okay. You know, we raised our girls in the same house for 28 years. And let me tell you, that house saw a lot. It went through all kinds of remodels and renovations. I was always dreaming about having the perfect house, something totally curated to my taste. Something functional and beautiful. All of it. And if I'm being honest, I spent a lot of time comparing, looking around the neighborhood and thinking, should we be doing what they're doing? Should we have upgraded this or added that? And it just became this moving target, chasing the idea of perfect and getting it just right. But the truth was we have kids. Things got ruined. That house was lived in, it was loved in, it was never the house for my vision board, but it was home. And then we moved to Tennessee. And I'll tell you what my new dream was. It was a brand new house, one that didn't need renovating. Decorating. Sure, I love that. But renovation, nope, I was done. I don't wanna spend the money or the energy chasing that perfect Pinterest board anymore. Now my dream, it looks totally different. And you know what? It's not about the biggest or best house, it's about a home with quiet places that I can relax in. I want open space for game nights. I want a backyard for barbecues and swimming and a place where we can hang out after dinner. It's not perfect and I love that because what I want more than anything now is time with family. But my new big dream is I wanna travel. I wanna travel while I'm still healthy enough to travel while my husband and I we're still moving. We can go on hikes, we can be active when we travel because I know that that can be taken away any moment. So I want to travel as much as possible. I want to feel vibrant and healthy. I wanna be adventurous, and I wanna go see the world while I can because. That health and energy that we need to do that aren't things that we can take for granted. There is going to be a season when being home will be the dream, and I'll welcome that when it comes. But for now, I want a home that welcomes me back after all my travels. Not a big mortgage, but I went home with warmth and memories. And a place to rest and get geared up for the next trip. So if you've got dreams that no longer feel like you, that feel like kind of old clothes that don't fit anymore, it is okay to let them go. It's okay to dream something smaller, simpler, softer, or maybe you wanna dream something that's bigger and bolder or more expansive, more you than ever before because your dreams, they get to evolve just like you have. So ask yourself, what dream am I still holding onto? Because I once wanted it, but maybe I don't anymore. And what new dream might be ready to take its place? This is the season to dream from where you are, not from where you've been. Okay? Let's wrap this up because here's what I wanna leave with you today. If the things you've been doing lately just aren't working anymore, that's not failure. It's feedback. It's your life saying, Hey, things are different now because your body and your energy, the roles that you play in life are shifting your goals. All of it has shifted. So of course your habits need to shift too, and that's not a crisis. That's actually a chance to reconnect with who you are now. Let's bring it back to the habits. Here's what this might look like in real life. This isn't anything dramatic. these are just some small ways to meet yourself right where you are. Financially, maybe it's starting a weekly money check. Nothing complicated, just 10 minutes with a cup of coffee looking at your spending or setting a small savings goal. Or maybe it's making your first appointment with a financial advisor, even if it feels intimidating or maybe it's setting a spending boundary with your adult kids because helping them doesn't have to mean that you, overgive, you do not have to overgive. Um, and then what about your career and purpose? Maybe the new habit is carving out some time to explore what lights you up, experiment, explore it, look into it. Go in small volunteer research. Take a class. Maybe it's updating your resume or your LinkedIn just in case, not because you have to, but just because it might open a door that you didn't even think about, or maybe it's starting to talk about your ideas out loud. Talk with a friend or your partner instead of keeping them all tucked away how about your health and wellness? This might be that you're gonna start lifting weights twice a week instead of doing the cardio that you used to do. Or maybe you're gonna wind down earlier with a new bedtime routine, some magnesium, some sleepy tea, a book, whatever actually helps. Maybe it's adding protein to your breakfast to support your energy and focus instead of skipping or grabbing something that's full of sugar. Or maybe it could be tracking how alcohol, sugar, or sleep really affect you and adjusting those with kindness and that restriction. Alright, what about your relationships? Maybe the new habit is pausing before offering advice to your adult kids and asking, do you want support or someone to listen? Maybe it's checking in on your parents once a week. Not outta guilt, but just to stay connected. Or how about just reminding yourself? You know what? The dynamic has changed, so I'm going to show up differently. It's a good reminder. And how about your dreams? Dreaming is a habit, so give yourself 10 minutes a week to journal or visualize what you want next. Not what you used to want, but what feels right now. It could be putting a pin on a map of places you wanna travel while you have the energy, or saying, actually, I don't want the perfect house. I want a peaceful one that lets me go live my life. All of these are small shifts, but I want you to note that they matter because habits aren't about becoming someone else. They're about supporting who you've already become and who you are becoming. Ask yourself this week, what's one small habit that would support who I am right now? Not 10 years ago, not last year. Now. And if you want some space to explore that more deeply, I'd love to invite you to hop on the Dream Studio wait list. It's opening in February, and it is a safe place that I'm creating for women just like us, a space to reflect on what's happening for us in the second half of life, and having real conversations with women who are also ready to start dreaming and building a life that fits this season. The link is in the show notes below, or you can go to coach carlene.com/ds for Dream Studio DS waitlist. I'd love to have you as a founding member, hop on the wait list and you'll be getting an email to invite you in shortly. All righty. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today, and if this episode landed with you, go ahead and send it to a friend. And remember, we've gotta keep walking with each other through this messy, beautiful second half of life. Be kind to yourself and I will see you next week. Bye for now.

Carlene 24:28

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.