The Distracted Dreamer
Get ready to confidently and unapologetically go after dreams! Welcome to The Distracted Dreamer Podcast.
Today is the day you’re going to pull your dreams off the shelf and bring them to the forefront of your life. You are never too tired, too busy, too old, too young, too anything to pursue your dreams.
Imagine… the joy and excitement of doing what lights you up. Your dreams are yours. No one gets to take them from you and no one gets to chase them - except you. Your dreams are there to guide you, to inspire you and to show you that yes, there is something more in store for you.
You see, the size of your dreams don’t matter - it could be running a marathon, reading a book series, perfecting that family recipe, traveling the world, or learning to dance.
I’m Carlene Bauwens, entrepreneur, Life Coach and now host of The Distracted Dreamer podcast. I’m here to show you how to kick distraction to the curb and grab hold of your dreams. Your happiness matters. You have a big, beautiful, amazing life to live. And you've only got one of them. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast.
The Distracted Dreamer
#61: The Surprising Reason You’re Holding Back on Your Dreams and How to Fix It
Ever shared your dream with someone you love, only to walk away feeling… smaller?
You’re not alone. In this episode, I’m talking about the surprising (and sneaky) reason you might still be holding back on the dream that keeps calling your name, and how to fix it.
I share a story about a coaching session that stopped me in my tracks and reminded me how powerful (and painful) it can be when our dream bumps up against someone else’s fear.
We’ll talk about why this happens, how to spot it, and most importantly how to shift your circle so that the energy around you matches the dream inside you.
Because when you ask for support from people who don’t understand what you’re trying to build you don’t feel seen and your dream starts to feel like a risk instead of a calling.
Let’s change that.
3 KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE
1️⃣ The wrong support system can make your dream feel like a mistake, even when it’s aligned.
2️⃣ Other people’s fear can quietly shape your decisions if you’re not careful.
3️⃣ You and your dreams will grow in direct proportion to the energy you allow around them.
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE
Connected: By James H. Fowler PhD and Nicholas A. Christakis MD PhD
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You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.
Hello. Hello my friend. Welcome back to the Distracted Dreamer podcast. I'm your host Carlene, and I am so excited to have you here today. And we are going to talk about something that, hmm, it might ruffle a few feathers. Um, but that's okay because in 2026 I promised myself that I'm removing the filters. So. Are you ready? I want to talk about something really sneaky that holds so many of us back from going after our biggest dreams. And it's not lack of time or clarity or strategy. You know what it is? It's the people that we ask for advice or share our dreams with. Yeah. Even the ones who love us. And yeah, especially the ones who love us. Recently I was on a coaching call with a client and she's building her own coaching business and she's doing really brave things and she's stepping into something that really lights her up. She just made a big decision. She left her corporate job of 10 years to go all in on her dream. When she told her mom, she was expecting, well, maybe not a standing ovation or anything, but at least some version of like, oh, I'm proud of you, or How exciting for you. And instead, her mom just kind of paused and said. Oh, why would you do that? You had a great job and you're just throwing it away. Oof. And you know what? My client was crushed and she tried to explain coaching and what it is and who it helps and why it matters. But no matter how many ways she said it, her mom just didn't get it. And by the time that we spoke, she was starting to spiral and she was thinking, well, maybe I'm being reckless, or who am I to think I can do this? And maybe helping people isn't all that is cracked up to be. And I just sat there and I said, okay, this has nothing to do with your worth and everything to do with who you are talking to. Because here's the thing, we all want to be supported. We want the people we love. To see us and to get us and to get our dreams. But sometimes, especially when we're doing something new or different, the people closest to us, they can't always see it. Like they just don't have that vision that we have. And it's not because they don't care or that they don't wanna support us, it's because they've never lived something like that. Now, here's the thing. You wouldn't ask someone who stays stuck in the same routine year after year, how to build something that's really bold and new, would you? No. You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't go to someone who complains about everything and never makes a change and ask them if your dream is realistic. No, you wouldn't do that. So why do we keep asking people who have never taken the kind of leap that we're dreaming of whether or not we should leap? You know, it's, it's not their fault, it's just that they're not playing the same game. They're offering advice from their worldview, from their risk tolerance, from their values, and from their lived experience in those things. They might be wildly different than yours, and that's okay, but the real problem is isn't that they don't believe in you, it's that you're asking them to validate something that they've never lived. They haven't been where you are going. And you know what? That's okay. But it also means their opinion might not be the one to trust with your dream. And when they hesitate, you take it as a sign that your dream is unrealistic when really it's just unfamiliar to them. I know it's easy to hear all this and think. Okay, well, what's the alternative? I want support. I need people to talk to. And you do. But here's the thing. Support doesn't have to come from people who understand every detail of your dream. It comes from people who understand the energy of dreaming. Of creating, of choosing a path that most people won't choose, and it turns out there's actual science behind why being around those kinds of people matters more than we realize. Let's talk about the science. There's this thing called social contagion. Nicholas Christa and James Fowler, they co-authored the very popular book called Connected, the Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape our Lives, and they found. That behaviors like happiness, ambition, and even success are contagious in our social networks. Pretty cool, right? What they found is that you are more likely to take a bold step if someone around you has taken one recently themselves. And you are more likely to believe in yourself if you're surrounded by people who believe in themselves. I mean, this is just great. And another study found that we rise or fall to the expectations of those around us. It's called the Pygmalion Effect. So if you're surrounded by people who expect you to play small or to play safe, or to keep doing what you've always done. You are way more likely to shrink to fit that, okay? But if you're around people who expect you to do bold things, to take risks, who see you as someone capable and someone brave, and someone who finishes what they start, you start to live into that version of you. And I see this all the time with my clients. They join a group or a community where dreaming big is normal and suddenly they're doing things they've been sitting on for years. Not because they changed overnight, but because the people around them started reflecting back a version of them that was more true than the fear. And, and get this, your brain is wired to reflect the energy around you. Thanks to mirror neurons, if you're spending time with people who think big and take risks, you literally start to think it's more possible for you too. So the energy that you're around, it matters. You can borrow mindset. And when you're having one of those days, you, you know, the ones where you're doubting everything, you can actually lean on the energy of the people around you, let their belief carry you when yours is low. So yeah, the science is pretty clear who you surround yourself with, shapes what you believe is possible. But here's the wild part. Most of us spend so much time figuring out what we want. We journal about it, we vision board it, we talk about it, but we rarely stop to ask, who am I dreaming this with? Like, who's in the room with me? Who's helping me hold this? Because no matter how powerful your dream is, if you are building it in isolation or explaining it to people who just can't see it, it's so easy to start shrinking it. Now, here's a big misconception that I wanna clear up, is you don't need to find people chasing the exact same dream as you. You just need to find people who get it, people who understand what it means to feel called towards something big. People who know what it's like to be scared and to keep moving People who normalize dreaming because that energy, it's everything. When you're in that kind of environment, whether it's a community, a mastermind, or a few solid friendships, it rewires how you see yourself. And you know what? You stop asking, who am I to do this? And you start thinking, why wouldn't I do this? And you know what? When we don't have those people around us, the ones who reflect possibility back to us, that's when the fear gets loud and we start letting others, people fear, send us into a spiral. You know what happens? Their uncertainty. That becomes our self-doubt. And they're, oh, be careful. That becomes our. Mm, maybe I shouldn't. And suddenly we're second guessing the thing that we knew in our gut just days before. Now, let's talk about fear for a second. Fear doesn't always show up as panic or anxiety. Sometimes it shows up as love, and it sounds like this. It sounds like, are you sure this is a good idea? Ooh, that seems kind of risky. Or, well, what if it doesn't work out? And you hear that from someone you trust, a partner, a parent, a best friend, and suddenly your nervous system says, oh, yes, thank you. Let's just stay safe. But you know what? Safety isn't the same thing as alignment. And safe doesn't always mean, right. If your dream keeps tugging at you. And if you just know in your heart that there's more, then staying safe might just be the scariest thing of all. Don't shortchange yourself, we have to stop. Outsourcing our courage to people who are not meant to hold it. And you know what? Here, here's the part that really changed everything for me. I realized it wasn't just about tuning out the fear, it was about intentionally tuning into something else. At the time, I had no idea what I was doing when I started my coaching business. Like none, no idea. And what kept me going? It wasn't that I had a fancy business plan or even the skills I was learning. It was the people, it was the coaching I got while I was building it was the accountability groups filled with other people chasing their dreams. The, you've got this texts, the check-ins that came from people who actually understood what I was trying to create. And you know what? That changed everything. I stopped explaining my dream to people who didn't get it. There's people in my family, like very close to me and my family who have no idea what I do or why I do it. And I'm okay with that because I didn't need the whole world to buy in. I just needed a few intentional people who saw it, who reminded me why it mattered, who asked me how it was going, even when I was scattered trying to figure it all out. And I was scattered a lot of the time. And when I made that shift, everything else got easier. Let me ask you this and be really honest with yourself. Who are you asking for advice? Who are you sharing your dreams with this year? Are you asking other dreamers or doubters? Are you borrowing belief from people who think bigger or from people who wanna keep you comfortable? And maybe most importantly, are you still shrinking your dreams to fit the size of someone else's comfort zone? If so, this is your invitation. Look around, get intentional. Find the people whose energy reminds you, who you really are. Because your dreams, they don't just need the time and the strategy. They absolutely need a safe place to land. They need community. They need reflection, and they need belief even on the days that you don't have any despair for yourself. So here's your next step. Look for those people, and if you can't find them right away. Then be one of them. Be the person who shares this episode with someone and tell them you believe in them. Be someone who expands others. Be someone whose mindset is contagious in the best way, and watch what happens when you spend less time explaining your dreams and more time building them with the people who already believe that you can. And if you're craving a space like that where your big ideas or small ideas and all the messy action that comes along with it, and all that creative energy where all of that is normal, I want you to hop on the wait list for Dream Studio. You can hop on the list@coachcarlene.com slash ds. Like for Dream Studio Ds wait list, the founding members opening is right around the corner and I'm putting the finishing touches on it to welcome you into the most inspiring and encouraging community of women dreamers who are ready to stop saying someday and start today. You know what? You do not need to know how or have a plan. Nope. You simply have to be done waiting. And the most powerful part of this community is you will be surrounded by people who say, why not you instead of be careful. If you wanna be surrounded by that kind of energy this year, you're gonna want in and you'll get early access and exclusive founding member perks and some other surprises. I've got up my sleeve for you just by getting on the wait list. Isn't that great? The link is below in the show notes, or you can go to that link again@coachcarlene.com slash d. S wait list. I'm putting the finishing touches on it, so just drop your name and I'll let you know when the doors are open. Alright, I just wanna remind you of something. You've got this, and if you ever forget, I want you to come back to this episode and borrow a little belief from me. Alright, that is all for today and I will be back next week to welcome you into another conversation. So I will see you then. Bye for now.
Carlene:Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.