#56: Becoming the Version of You Your Dream Requires

When we talk about dreams, we usually talk about action — what we need to do, fix, plan, or check off the list. But what if the most important part of dreaming… is becoming? 

In this episode, I’m flipping the script — and inviting you to stop obsessing over the to-dos and start focusing on who you need to be in order to actually live inside the dream you're chasing. 

Whether it’s motherhood, podcasting, writing a book, or traveling the world — your dream isn’t just asking for your time and energy. It’s asking for your transformation. 

3 KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:

1️⃣ You don’t get the dream because you’re ready — you become ready because of the dream 

2️⃣ Every dream asks you to grow — not into someone else, but more of yourself 

3️⃣ The five adjectives that describe who you’re becoming are more powerful than your to-do list 

Find a quiet spot to make the most of the simple reflection I’ll walk you through to help you shift the focus from doing to being - so you can start living your dream now, not “someday.”

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Transcript

Speaker 3: 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:21

Hello. Hello, friend. Welcome back to The Distracted Dreamer. I am your host Carlene, and today we're talking about something that often gets completely ignored when it comes to our dreams. You know, we focus on the to-do lists and the action steps, the plans, the research, the learning, the tools, the courses, the spreadsheets, and hey, I, I get it. I love a good plan, but what we don't talk about enough is who we need to become in order to carry the dream when it actually shows up. Because here's the truth, we can't wait for the dream to change us. We have to start becoming the kind of person that dream requires us to be. Now. So Mel Robbins says, if you wanna be a podcaster, then you gotta start acting like one, and it's not about pretending. It's not about faking it till you make it. It's about stepping into the mindset and that energy and that posture of someone who already believes that it's possible. And you know, we live in a culture that really celebrates the doing. And it's not a bad thing. Action. It's, it's beautiful. It builds momentum. It gives us clarity. It teaches us a lot, and it makes the dream real. But sometimes all the doing it kind of becomes a disguise or a distraction. It's a way to stay busy without actually becoming the version of ourselves that can hold the dream, to sustain it, to grow it, and to live inside of it. And here's the part that no one tells you. Dreams. Don't just ask for your time and energy. They ask for your transformation. Your dream will require you to grow. Not to become someone else, but to become more of yourself. The braver you, the more grounded you, the more focused you, the more resilient you, whatever it is. So today. I want to invite you to shift the question from what do I need to do for my dreams? To, who do I need to be for my dreams? And I'm gonna start by sharing my own story. I actually think I have two stories here, about this podcast and the version of me I had to become to actually make this real. Now, when I first thought about starting a podcast, I thought, well, I, I need equipment. I need a quiet room, and I need a plan. And yes, I, I needed those things, but not first. What I really needed was to become the version of me who believed that she had something worth saying, I had to become courageous to speak into a mic. Not knowing who is gonna listen or what they're gonna think, and I also had to become consistent. I have to keep showing up every week even when it feels like no one is listening. I also had to become curious, not just about the topics that you wanna hear, but about myself and how I wanted to connect with you. And I also had to become kind of unapologetic and let my voice take up space without waiting for permission or for the perfect conditions. And most of all, I had to become open-hearted, is that even a word? Like I had to open my heart to let you in so that I could be real and to create something that felt like an invitation, not a performance. And here's the thing that I hope you hear today, is that whatever dream is tugging at your heart right now, it's not just about what you need to do to make it happen. It's about who you need to become in the process. Okay, I'm being reminded of, of another story that just popped in my head. I am a planner by nature. And my mom has always said, she's like, you always have all your ducks in a row. And I was like, yes, I do. I was very proud of that. But you know what kids, they scatter all those ducks, kids show up with all their unpredictability. Their last minute schedule changes, the spills, the meltdowns, the broken hearts, the colds, the fevers, and when I used to dream about becoming a mom. I had this very unrealistic idea that if I had a plan, if I gave my baby structure, you know, like strict nap times and feeding times, and I made everyone who came within arms reach, wash their hands so they didn't get sick, that everything would be perfect. You know, my baby wouldn't get sick and I'd sleep when she sleeps, which. By the way, what is that anyway? Okay. Like maybe in the first three months you can do that, but long term, how are you supposed to sleep when there's a house to pick up and laundry to do, and dishes in the sink and bills to pay and dinner to make all the stuff and I guess, okay, my point here is that all great plans involving kids, they eventually crumble. And mine crumbled. The day my first born, Emily entered the world prematurely. Everything I had planned, yeah, it didn't matter anymore, man. I just, I got the wake up call that I am not in charge, and my focus became getting her home from the hospital. And then my focus became watching and tracking every single milestone because, you know, preemies, they're at a high risk of developmental delays and she's all good. But at the time, I had to become her advocate, and that was just at the beginning. I quickly realized as a mom. I had to learn to be flexible, like a plan. It's great, but I had to be okay with that plan going right out the window most days. And I had to trust myself when everything went sideways. And if you're a mom, you're sitting here probably nodding along, right? Like, yeah, you get this. And I spent so much time stressing about things not going according to plan until one day I realized the plan wasn't the point. It wasn't about nailing every detail. It was about being able to pivot, to problem solve, to be fully present, even when things got really, really messy. I had to trust that I could handle whatever came next because there was always something that came next. When you have three kids. And then as my girls got older, I realized I needed to be adventurous too. I had no idea that this was going to be a requirement as a parent. So one one year. We went to Hawaii and my husband, he booked a summary tour. I'm claustrophobic. I mean seriously claustrophobic. And here I am descending what felt like a gazillion feet under the sea in this tiny little capsule. And I was terrified, but I did it because I wanted my girls to see me doing the hard, scary thing. And let's see. Then there was the time when we were in Mexico and we were swimming with the dolphins, that's absolutely magical. But it was also a little terrifying for me, and still I chose to show up and it was fun. And you know what? I wasn't trying to be the perfect mom with a perfect plan, but I was just the mom who was becoming, I was becoming more brave. I was becoming more playful, and I was becoming more open because becoming a mom. What I realized was it's not about having all the answers or always getting it right because I got it wrong a lot of times like most moms do, and it was about showing up in the way that they needed me and doing that, I became someone new. I was still me. But I was someone better. I was someone more flexible. I was more resilient. I was more courageous, and yeah, I was even more adventurous. And so the reason I'm sharing all of this isn't to just sit here and talk about me being a mom. It's because. I want you to see that the same thing happens with any dream. It doesn't matter what you're dreaming. Like you could be, I don't know if you're dreaming of starting a podcast or writing a book or traveling the world or launching a business or playing an instrument, the truth is that dream, it's not about what you do to get there, it's about who you need to become. So with that, I want to invite you to do a little reflection with me. Right now. There's, there's nothing fancy here, and maybe you can just write some of your thoughts down in the notes app, or if you have pen and paper handy, the old fashioned way, you can do that too. I just want you to take a moment and to just be honest with yourself and I want you to think about one dream. Just one. I know that we have tons of ideas out there and everything, but just one dream, and it doesn't even have to be anything that you're working on. It could just be this dream that you've had, and maybe it's the one that's, been lingering for years or for months, or maybe it's the one that you just thought of last night, Maybe it's the one that you've been too afraid to actually name. Okay, so just think about that. What's that dream? What's that dream? Come on, you can do it. You got a dream. We all have dreams. You just have to uncover it. And if you're having trouble with this, you should go get my start dreaming again. Guide. And then you can come back and do this exercise now. Okay? You got your dream. Great. Okay? Now, if I asked you what do you need to do to make that dream happen? I bet your brain has a whole checklist ready? Let's look at a few examples here. Let's look at the dream of you wanna travel, most people immediately say, I need to save money. I need to plan the trip. I need to get time off of work. I need to learn the language. But what if instead you asked, who do I need to become to live that dream? You're gonna get very different answers. Maybe you need to become brave, maybe traveling is stressful for you, or you're afraid of going to another culture, or maybe you need to become resourceful. Figure it out. Maybe you need to become adaptable. Yeah. If you're going to another country, you have to become adaptable. They have different traditions, different foods, different languages. You have to be more adventurous. You have to be more open. See, that's very different from the to-dos of I need to save money, plan the trip, get time off and learn the language. See, very different. So we want to identify these adjectives of who. Do I need to become to live that dream? So here's another example. I wanna write a book. Most people will say, I need to write every day. I need to outline, I need to find a publisher. I need to take a course, those are all things that you say that you need to do, and you do need to do those things. But the real question is, is who do I need to be to write this book? You might need to become disciplined. Or unfiltered, you need to be honest when you're writing, or maybe you need to become self trusting or persistent or bold. Those are very different from I need to write every day, or How about you have the dream, I wanna become a speaker Most people jump to, well, first I need a website and then I need to create some Instagram reels, and oh yes, I must have a signature talk. Oh yeah, I need an audience too. But maybe the real dream is asking, who do I need to become to live this dream? So maybe the dream is calling you to become more clear. Or grounded or more confident, or more humble or more honest, okay, so now it's your turn. So I want you to think back to that dream that you chose. You got it? Okay. Ask yourself, who is the version of me who gets to live that dream? What's she like? What does she speak? How does she move through resistance? How does she take up space? And now what I want you to do is I want you to come up with five adjectives that describe who you need to become to not only bring that dream to life, but to carry that dream and to live in that dream. So mine for this podcast looked like I need to become courageous, consistent, curious, unapologetic, and open-hearted because you know what? I wasn't all of those things when I started this, and some days I'm still not. But naming them, it helps me walk toward them. So write your five adjectives and put them on a sticky note or on your lock screen on your phone, and let them guide your decisions more than your to-do list does. And remember you becoming happens one brave moment at a time. That's how it happens. Now, I know it's tempting to believe that once you check all the boxes, then the dream can begin. That once you've figured it out, once you feel confident, once everything is in place, that you'll be ready. I hear this all the time. I'll start when I'm ready. I'm not ready yet. But you know what I, I've learned and I keep learning is. You don't get the dream because you're ready. You become ready because of the dream. The dream actually requires you to grow, not to become someone else, but to become more of yourself. To become those adjectives that you discovered for yourself today, it could be you becoming braver or you becoming more grounded, or you becoming more focused, or you becoming more curious. And you know, if you ever start to doubt it, come back to those five adjectives. Let them remind you of who you are becoming. They are your compass when you feel lost. There your permission slip when you want to wait for perfect because perfect doesn't exist. When you're feeling like there's something missing when it comes to bringing your dreams to life, it's likely you, you are the thing that's missing. So you have to remember to shift the question from what do I need to do to, who do I need to be? Okay, so this is a quick episode and I have homework for you today. So I'd love to share in an upcoming episode the five adjectives that you uncovered when you answered the question of who do I need to be? What I'm inviting you to do is leave me a text by clicking on the link in the show notes that says, I think it says Send Carlene a text or text Carlene. It's pretty clear. And here's exactly what you need to text me Your first name, your dream in one sentence, and the three to five adjectives of who you are becoming. And that's it. Your first name, your dream in one sentence, and the three to five adjectives of who you're becoming. Don't move away from your podcast player until you leave me a text, okay? So go do that because I wanna give you a shout out on one of my next episodes, now, whatever dream is on your heart right now. You have to trust that it chose you for a reason. We always think that we choose our dreams, but sometimes I think our dreams choose us and you know what? It chose you not because you have all the answers. It shows you because you're the kind of person who's willing to grow into it. And you know what? Becoming. It's messy. It's not linear, but you know what else it is. It's also life changing and you are so much closer than you think. Thank you so much for showing up for yourself today and being here for this conversation. And don't forget to leave me a text and I will be here next week. Ready to welcome you into our next conversation. Until then, bye for now.

Carlene: 17:44

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.