#55: How to Manage Year-End Overwhelm and Reclaim Your Joy (Part 2)

You’ve done the inner work — now it’s time to manage everything swirling around you.

In Part 2 of this two-part series, we’re shifting outward. From the ever-growing to-do list to tricky family dynamics, from outdated traditions to the pressure to say yes when you know it should be a no — this episode gives you the tools to handle it all with more clarity and calm.

You’ll walk away with practical ways to protect your time and energy, navigate hard conversations without spiraling, and find small sparks of joy in the middle of the mess.

KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:

1️⃣ You can confidently re-prioritize your to-do-list. No second guessing yourself.

2️⃣ Recognize that you can't change others only how you respond (not react) to them.

3️⃣ Joy isn't something you create. It's something you notice. 

We may not get the picture-perfect season we dream about, but you can create moments that feel meaningful and joyful.

RESOURCES FOR THIS EPISODE:

Jefferson Fisher - The Next Conversation: Argue Less Talk More

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Transcript

Speaker 3: 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:22

Well, hello everyone. Welcome back to The Distracted Dreamer. I am your host Carlene, and this is part two of our series on managing yearend overwhelm. And if you're just jumping in and you didn't listen to episode 54 first, you can go ahead and you can listen to it after you listen to this one. That's okay. Um, but make sure that you catch that one because the things that you can put into action from this episode are going to be so much easier to do when you've put. The things from episode 54 into action first. Okay, so let's dive in. Because you know, this season it always comes with a lot of big dreams, doesn't it? Like, oh, let's have the perfect holiday and the perfect ending to the year. But you know what? Sometimes life just doesn't match that picture and that gap. It can create a lot of stress for us. That's why I have two episodes dedicated to this. Before we dive into today's episode, I wanna check in with you. How is your pause practice going? Remember last week we talked about practicing the pause and how even just a single breath or one mindful moment, or a quiet five minute walk, it counts. It counts. Your nervous system notices, if you're trying, it means you're practicing. And if you're practicing, it means you're growing. And so today we are going to actually turn things outward because once you've learned to calm your internal state, you are in a much better place to make thoughtful, grounded choices about the things that trigger stress on the outside. So let's name a few of those things right now. That never ending to-do list. Yeah, that's something. That you can have a little bit of control over now that you've calmed your nervous system. Um, what about all those complicated family dynamics and relationships? Ooh, calming your nervous system. Super important for that. What about all those exhausting or outdated holiday traditions that might not be serving you? What do you do with that? And then there's all the guilt and pressure that makes it really hard to say no when you really know that is the right answer. No is the right answer. So, does any of that sound familiar? Well, of course you're not alone, because these are some of the biggest stressors that swirl around us at the end of the year. And today's episode is all about how to manage those differently so that you can reclaim your time, your energy, and your joy during this very busy season. We are going to start where most people want to start, and that is, we think about when we're busy, we think about that to-do list, whether it's a written down to-do list or the one that just keeps going around and around in your head, let's be honest, most of our to-do lists, they are way too long. And it's not because like we're lazy and we're not doing this stuff or that we're bad at planning, but it's because we don't always stop to ask why something is even on the list. I wanted to mention this before we, we dove into all of this, is make sure that you have something that you can take notes with because I am giving you a lot of information today with step by step instructions on how to manage some of these external stressors for yourself. If you need to hit pause, go get something to take notes with or open up your apps, whatever it is. And obviously don't do this. If you're driving, you will come back and you will re-listen to the episode. You can fast forward me and all that good stuff, you are gonna wanna capture this stuff. All right, so what I wanna do now is we're talking about your to-do list, and I'm gonna walk you through a prioritization method that can literally change the whole arc of your day, and you will stop beating yourself up for not getting everything done. Okay, so this is super simple, step one is write it all down. What I want you to do is think of everything that you have to do between now and the end of the year. It can be holiday related, it can be health related, it can be family related. It can be work related. It does not matter what it is. Dump it all into one list. There's no order, there's no filtering, nothing. Just brainstorm, dump it right onto a piece of paper. Okay? Step two is to run each task through some filters. There are three filters. There's impact filters. There's time filters, and there's consequence filters. We are going to start with the impact filters. So the filters are basically questions, Step two, what you wanna do is you're gonna run each of your tasks through. These filters. We're gonna start with the impact filters. There's three impact filters, which are basically three questions. The first one is, why is this important? The second impact filter is what's the outcome I want? And the third is this a must do or a nice to do. I don't want you to overthink these, like this is not about you sitting there contemplating your answer to this. This is like you ask the question, bumping it up against one of those tasks, and you're gonna know why is this important? And if you are like, I don't know why this is important, that's a sign. Maybe it shouldn't be on your to-do list if you don't know what the outcome is that you want from it. Mm. That might be a sign. It shouldn't be on your to-do list. And is this a must do or a nice to-do? If you are questioning that, it's probably a nice to do. If you have to convince yourself, it's a must do. It's a nice to do. It doesn't belong on your list. Okay, the second kind of filter is the time filters. There's just two questions here. The first one is, do I have the time and energy for this? Yes or no? And the second one, does it need to happen now? Come on. Now. You look at that list and I know there are things on there that can wait until the new year. There are. Yeah, there are things on there that you're like, oh, but I really wanted to get this done. Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no. This is not the time for that. This is not the season that you should be overloading your to-do list because it's something that you're just, oh my God, I just have to get it done. If it doesn't need to get done now, then it needs to come off your list. Then the third kind of filter are the consequence filters, so there's two questions for that. Is ask yourself what won't get done if I do this? So if you work on that task, if you do that thing, what else isn't gonna get done? There's always a trade off. There's always a trade off. You are one person and you cannot make more time. And then the other consequence filter. I love this one. Will anyone notice if it doesn't get done? That is anyone but you and I guarantee if it is something that no one else will notice, will get done. Maybe you won't notice if it doesn't get done either. Have you ever had like something on your to-do list and then you go back and a month later and you're like. I don't even know what I meant when I wrote this. Like that happens all the time to me. I'm like, what was I thinking when I wrote this? I don't even know what this has to do with anything that's important right now. So, will anyone notice if it doesn't get done, will you notice it a month from now if it's not done? If not, probably doesn't belong on your to-do list. Step three is to schedule only what matters. So you went through those filters, you asked the hard questions, you didn't overthink it. You were like, Nope, this one can wait. This one I can kill completely, but this one's gonna go on a later list. Not during my very busy end of year season. No, it's not getting prioritized right now. The only thing that should be on your to-do list is what is a priority right now, and the only way that you're gonna get those things done is to schedule them. If you don't put it on the calendar, it's not gonna happen. So you're gonna take the tasks that pass all those filters and actually schedule time for them. Put them in your planner and give them a home. And like I said, step four is then to move everything else to a not now list. It's either deleted, like it's a never, or it's a not now. But for the ones that are not now, make sure you don't delete them. You just wanna store them because cluttering your current to-do list with the maybe someday tasks, it makes you feel like you're failing when you're not. Then the fifth step is to just revisit and reassess. Always revisit and reassess your list and bump it up against those filters. Your to-do list, you have control over it. Step one, write it all down. Step two, run each task through the filters, which are those questions, for impact, time and consequence. Step three, schedule only. What matters? Step four, move everything else to a not now list. And step five is to revisit and reassess daily, weekly. And remember if something lives on your not now list for weeks without moving, you kind of have to ask yourself why is it there at all? Let the busy work and the people pleasing tasks, let them fall to the side, because if it's not a hell yes, then it's a hell no. Here is the next biggest stressor at this time of year. It is managing relationships and triggers. This is the stuff that you can't schedule, this is the family dynamics, this is the passive aggressive comments or getting steamrolled in a group conversation. Because listen, you can't exactly hop in a hot shower when someone says something triggering at dinner, right? We learned that if you get in a hot shower, that will help calm your nervous system, but you can't do that. So you might want to go back to doing some deep breathing when these things happen, and so this is where nervous system regulation, it meets communication. First, breathe that breath. It grounds you before you react. Drop your shoulders, feel your feet on the floor. And then what I want you to do is I want you to respond to using some tools from Jefferson Fisher. He's a lawyer and an author of the next conversation. And if you haven't followed him yet, do it. He's incredible at teaching you exactly what to say in tricky conversations. So lemme give you an example. When someone is constantly interrupting you or derails the conversation, Jefferson recommends saying, Hey, I wanna hear what you're saying. Let me just finish my thought first. That's simple. It's respectful, it's direct it. When you're sitting there upset that somebody is interrupting you or they have topic changed on you, it's really hard to think of what to say. That is respectful and direct. And this is one of the things that bothers me most in conversations is the constant interruptions and the topic switching. And so I have learned how to just say this like, Hey, I really do wanna hear what you're saying, but let me just finish my thoughts first. Okay. So if that's something that bothers you, that's how you respond, or here's another example. When you get a passive aggressive comment at the table. Try this. And this is according to Jefferson Fisher to say, I'm not sure what you meant by that. Can you clarify? And you know what he says? That, that one sentence, it shuts it down. It forces the person to own their words and usually they back off. So what's the one dysfunctional conversation that gets you every time? Identify it and then study Jefferson's. Work, practice the words, have the script ready, and you are gonna feel so much more in control when it comes up. And you know what? You cannot change the other person, but you can change how you respond to them. So you wanna respond, you don't wanna react. Really think about what are those conversations? Just pick one or two. Do a little research, go to Jefferson Fisher's Instagram, his LinkedIn, get his book. Um, you can probably Google AI this, and it'll pull up all the things that he recommends. Just pick one or two and practice practice it. So when you are sitting at Christmas dinner and it happens. You feel in control. Here's another thing that comes up over the holidays. Our traditions. Traditions. They're beautiful until they become exhausting, if you are questioning whether a tradition. Is still worth your time and effort and energy, or if it's still meaningful, then you wanna ask yourself these questions, and the first one is, I just gave it away, is you wanna ask yourself, is this tradition still meaningful? And then you wanna ask yourself, does it still serve the family in its current form? Maybe it's something that's been done. I don't know when people who aren't even with us anymore, were here and nobody is really feeling attached to that tradition anymore. But you keep doing it just because you don't wanna be the person who says, maybe we shouldn't do this anymore. And then you have to ask yourself who's doing the emotional labor or the physical labor to keep the tradition going? Here's an example. Let's say you always host a holiday cookie decorating party, but now the kids are older and you're swamped and no one even eats the cookies. You know, you can say, Hey, if this is still important to everyone, I'd love to find a way that we can all pitch in, or maybe we come up with a new tradition that feels a little lighter for everyone. I just want you to remember at this time of year that traditions they can evolve just like we do. When we actually look at our traditions, it kind of clears the way for us to look at it and go. What else do we wanna do now? What's a tradition that we wanna start now? Um, I think it's one of the coolest things to start a tradition. Like I love all the traditions that we have. And I don't think there's any that I wanna get rid of. Um, but I also do like creating new ones, especially with new generations that come into the family. Just think about that and have an open conversation and make it fun, with your family. The next thing that we need to do over not just the holidays, but the end of the year season, is we have to learn how to say no. Saying no, helps manage all that stuff that's swirling around us, let's look at what you've already done here. You, you've done the work, you've cleaned up your to-do list. You have clarified what matters most to you, but here's the truth, all that clarity, it goes out the window if you don't learn how to say no. So every time someone asks you to do something to help with an event, or to attend some gathering or to join a project. You've got to bump that request up against what you've already prioritized for the rest of the year. That's why we started with your to-do list. Because based on your current time, energy, and capacity, the only way to say yes to something new is to bump something else off the list. The real question becomes, is this yes. Worth it? And if you want to be intentional and not reactive about your time, here are five questions to help you get clear on whether a no might be the most loving, aligned answer you can give to yourself and to the other person. When somebody asks you to do something between now and the end of the year, the first question you ask is, does this align with my current priorities and goals? Maybe you're like, well, right now I promised myself I'd protect my weekends so that I could get the house ready for the holidays. As fun as this sounds what you're asking me to do, it doesn't move me towards that goal. Or maybe you're gonna say, Hey, I'm focusing on rest and simplifying right now and taking this on. It pulls me back into busy mode. See, you can say no. So does this align with my current priorities and goals? You have to remember what your current priorities and goals are. That's why you have to go back up to your to-do list. The second thing that you need to ask yourself when somebody asks you to do something new is, am I saying yes out of guilt or obligation? And maybe this sounds like, if I'm honest, I only wanna say yes, so they're not disappointed. But deep down, I don't actually wanna do it. Or another version might be, you know what? They've helped me before, so I feel like I owe them, but I know my worth isn't tied to always saying yes. The third question you can ask yourself. Is will saying yes to this cost me time, energy, or focus that I can't afford to give. maybe you're sitting there thinking if I say yes, it means that I have to work late again, and I promise myself I'd stop doing that. Or maybe you're thinking this sounds exciting, but I've already committed to two big projects. If I add this something else, like my sleep is gonna suffer. Will saying, yes, cost me time, energy, or focus, I can't afford to give. Here's the fourth question is this a should or a true want? If somebody asks you to do something and you're thinking, I feel like I should go, because, well, it is a good networking opportunity, but I don't feel any real excitement about it. Yeah, it's probably a no, or maybe you're thinking, everyone says I should say yes because you know it's gonna help me with my business or my career, but this really doesn't light me up. I'd rather wait for the right. Yes. So then wait for the right. Yes. This should be a no. Then the fifth question you wanna ask yourself is, if I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? If I take this meeting. Then I'm saying no to the block I protected on my calendar to work on another project. Or if I say yes to this extra shift, I'm saying no to dinner with my family. And that connection feels more important right now. Again, if those are things that you're hearing and feeling, that's something that you wanna say no to, then. Here's the bottom line when it comes to saying no is you don't really need a script. You, you need clarity because your script is, no, that's it. No, you don't need to explain your no, you just need to say no. The problem is you're not clear on why you should say no. And that clarity, it comes when you listen to your gut. Don't listen to the guilt. You gotta listen to your gut. And you know what else before you give a yes that feels off pause. You know how to pause now. We did it in the last episode. You're still practicing it, right? Pause before you say yes, you wanna check in with your heart and your calendar because they are gonna lie to you, I promise. The last thing that I wanna cover today isn't necessarily about managing the stuff that's swirling around you. It's more about choosing the things that are swirling around you. And they're called glimmers. After you've done all the work that we just talked about, don't skip this part. This is so important. Glimmers, they're the opposite of triggers. They're the little sparks of calm, of peace, of connection, or joy. That tell your brain, Hey, we're okay, and what I want you to do is I want you to find them and this, you have to be really intentional about this, and I'm gonna give you some tips on how to find some glimmers because that is where the joy is. This is supposed to be the season of joy. Let's find the joy. A lot of people say, oh, go, go create the joy. That seems like a lot. But you know what? Joy already exists. You just gotta pay attention. So here's some ways that you can find them. The first one is to notice them. I know that sounds obvious. Like notice'em, I am talking like a hot cup of coffee. Or what about when a stranger smiles at you? It could be the lady that's checking you out at Walmart maybe it's the way that the sun is hitting the grass or the flowers outside. Another thing that you can do is you can take a joy photo. This is a great thing to do for the rest of the year, is to take one picture a day just for you. It doesn't matter at all what it is. It could be a picture of that coffee, it could be a picture of your dog. I'm terrible at taking pictures and I'm thinking, gosh, I should do this now that I'm talking about this. But people I see them like, they're not taking pictures of people necessarily. They're taking pictures of things, of sceneries, of signs, of just random things. And find those random things. Throughout your day and take a picture of it and don't post it. No, don't do that. This is just for you. This is for you. And keep them organized in your camera roll. Make a separate little folder for'em and just look at'em. Those are your glimmers. The third thing that you could do is you can say it when you feel it. If you feel that you are so happy to see your daughter say, oh my God, I'm so happy to see you today. Say it of so many times. We feel things but we don't express it. And you know what? It's such a gift to let other people know that. And when you verbally say that to somebody, it really sits different with you. It sits like in your body and in your heart, and you feel it more. So when you feel it. Say it to someone when you love someone, say you love them, and that is going to give you joy and it's gonna give the other person joy too. The fourth thing that you can do is practice future nostalgia. I do this all the time. And the question that you ask is, will I miss this moment someday? Now I've had a lot of these moments with my beautiful granddaughter and the moments that she falls asleep on me and I'm just feeling her breathe up and down, and I'm just looking at how peaceful she is. I do, I think I'm gonna miss this someday, and I, I'm not doing it from a place of like. I'm feeling sad. It keeps me really grounded and it makes that moment that much more joyful for me. So what are those moments that you have that you're like, I'm gonna miss this someday. That's an opportunity for you to get really present and soak it up, soak up that moment, soak up all the feels. The fifth thing that you can do is you can add an upside to your complaints. So what does that mean? Well, it means if you're gonna complain, then you have to say something good. Yes, I know. It's like the silver lining. It makes a big difference. Our weather is very unpredictable here in Tennessee, and one day it's, you know, beautiful 70 degrees and the next day it's 40. And it's real easy on those 40 degree days to go, oh my God, it's freezing today. Oh, I don't even want to go out. I'm complaining. But you know what? Then I'm like, oh, but I do love this jacket. I haven't been able to wear this in a while. That's an upside to my complaint about it being freezing today. So when you catch yourself complaining, add something good about it. It's freezing today, but I do love this jacket. You have to train your brain to look for glimmers, and then you know what happens. Joy becomes a habit. Try that between now and the end of the year. Your glimmers are to notice them. Take a joy photo every single day. Keep it just for you. Don't post it. Don't post it. Say it when you feel it. Practice future nostalgia. Will I miss this moment someday? And add an upside to your complaints. Let's recap Today you have learned how to prioritize what matters most. You have learned how to navigate through tough conversations with calm, and I will leave the links to Jefferson Fisher's, book and his socials in the show notes for you. You have learned how to rethink traditions and you have learned how to say no with clarity and trust yourself with that. And most importantly, you have learned how to keep your eyes open for glimmers of joy. Now, you know what? This season, it doesn't have to be perfect, and I'm gonna tell you, it's not gonna be perfect, but it's yours. It's your season. So here's your challenge for this week. Say no to one thing that doesn't align. Just one. What if you let go of one tradition that's not working anymore or, and or you can create a new tradition with your family. Or you can spot one glimmer and really hold onto it. Now, we may not get the picture perfect season that we dream about, but I'm telling you, with a calmer nervous system and a plan like this that supports your peace, you can create moments that feel very meaningful and very joyful for you. If you wanna keep the joy going, why don't you go ahead and share this episode with somebody. Because we all need a little bit more joy in our lives. I wanna thank you for being here and for taking the time to take care of yourself during this very busy time of year. Please rest, please breathe. Please pause and please find the joy and experience it to its fullest, and I will see you in the next episode. Bye for now.

Carlene: 27:20

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.