#54: How to Manage Year-End Overwhelm and Reclaim Your Joy (Part 1)

This time of year can bring so much beauty… and so much pressure.
So many of us are trying to hold it all together — deadlines, family dynamics, holiday expectations, and a to-do list that just won’t quit. You’re not imagining it — it’s a lot.

In Part 1 of this two-part series, we’re turning inward — it’s all about calming the swirl inside you before you try to calm everything around you. If you’ve been snapping, numbing out, or just feeling off lately, this episode will help you understand why… and what you can do about it.

Together we’ll unpack how your nervous system reacts to stress (spoiler: you’re not lazy, you’re wired for survival), why the pause is your most underrated power move, and six science-backed ways to reset your inner calm.

💡 KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:

1️⃣ You can choose calm — even when you can’t control the chaos

2️⃣ The smallest pause can change everything when you’re triggered

3️⃣ Calming your body is how you reclaim your joy

Dreamy holidays and a perfect year-end may not be realistic. When you learn how to manage yourself and self-regulate your nervous system you can handle whatever the season brings. 

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Transcript

Speaker 3: 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:21

Hello. Hello everyone. I am really glad that you made time for this today. I am your host Carlene. I'm glad to have you back for this conversation on the Distracted Dreamer. I've been hearing from you that you're feeling both excited and a little bit stressed about this end of year season. Now, notice I didn't say. Holiday season because the holidays are just a piece of it for you, and you've been telling me you don't know how you're going to get it all done and you feel like you don't have control over anything. So there's a lot to cover around this. So I decided to make this the first of a two-part series. On how to manage yearend overwhelm and find more joy, um, because that's what you're asking for. And I didn't wanna overwhelm you and put everything in one episode. So we're just breaking it down. And this week we're gonna focus on you, and the next episode we will focus on all the other things that are swirling around you. And you know, I think that we all have this dream about the perfect holiday and the perfect ending to our year. But the reality, it often looks nothing like the dream. And this season it can be beautiful. And brutal at the same time, right? There's a lot coming at us and we have deadlines and family dynamics and holiday expectations, and I don't know, a to-do list. It just keeps growing and it's a lot. So today's episode, this is not about pretending that this stress doesn't exist or just trying to push through it or just trying to fix it with some magic productivity hack. This is about something much more honest and actually helpful in noticing how we respond to stress and learning some small ways, and I'm talking really small ways that you can slow down and create space and choose calm instead of all of this chaos. Now, here's how I picture it, and maybe you've felt this too. So imagine that you're standing in the center of a big circle and all around the outer edges of the circle are things flying past you at full speed. Like I'm talking work pressures the family dynamics I mentioned, like the good, the hard, and all the complicated stuff, right? It's all rolled into one. And we have expectations. Your expectations, their expectations. Everyone's expectations and holidays that are meant to be joyful. But they can also feel heavy or lonely for some people. And there's the shopping list and the travel plans and wrapping gifts and casserole, and it's all swirling around you and you are in the middle of it, and you're trying to just like you're playing emotional, whack-a-mole, you're just trying to keep up with all the things that are coming at you. It's no wonder that you feel exhausted. You're trying to manage everything out there. And somewhere along the way. The joy just quietly slips away, and we don't want that to happen. This should be a joyful time of year, but here's the truth, that can really shift. Everything is. You don't have control over most of that swirl. You can't stop your mother-in-law from making passive aggressive comments. You can't. You can try, but you can't. You can't change your uncle's weird political takes. No, you can't get him to stop talking about it, and you can't make your calendar magically open up and have all this empty space on it. You can't do that. But you can control one incredibly important thing, and that's you. And that's not a small thing. In fact, that's everything. And when you learn to respond instead of react, and when you learn how to regulate your nervous system, suddenly all those swirling things, they don't have the same power over you. You start to feel a little more grounded, a little more clear, and even a little bit more like yourself again. So today we're talking about you, and in the second episode we'll be talking about all those things that are swirling and coming at you. We want to unpack how to find joy in the season, not just on the holidays themselves, but in the everyday moments that lead up to them. So here's where we're going today. We're gonna first look at what's actually happening in your nervous system when you're overwhelmed, and then I'm gonna walk you through some simple ways to regulate and reset. And finally we're gonna talk about how to move through the season with more intention so you can show up with energy and presence and yes, even joy. So let's dive in. Now, I just wanna start here because this is what matters is you need to understand that nothing is wrong with you. Your nervous system is just doing its job. If you've been feeling more reactive lately, like snappy or anxious, or maybe you've checked out or maybe you're just telling yourself, I'm just done. Your nervous system is simply trying to protect you. It's biology because we're wired for survival, not for back to back deadlines or the emotionally loaded family gatherings, or a million end of year tasks piling up at once. And when too much stress hits at once, your nervous system, it gets overwhelmed and it shifts into autopilot, and that's where triggers come in. So what is a trigger? Well, a trigger is anything that your nervous system perceives as a threat, even if your logical brain knows that you're not in real danger. So it could be a sharp tone in someone's voice. It can be looking at your calendar and feeling completely overwhelmed that, oh my gosh, I'm completely overbooked. Or maybe it's when someone asks you a question like, are you ready for the holidays? But that feels like pressure. So your nervous system, it doesn't wait to analyze it, it just reacts instantly. And when a trigger hits, your body shifts into one of four survival responses, right? You don't choose these, they just happen. You've heard of these before. Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. You go into fight mode, and that's when maybe you get irritable and snappy and controlling and the anger comes out. Or maybe your default is flight. Where you just run and you escape. Like, I'm outta here, I can't even deal with this. Or maybe it's freeze. And that's when your nervous system, you shut down, you feel stuck, you numb out. And then there's fawn that I don't think people talk about enough. FAWN Fawn. And that's where you people please to avoid conflict and maintain the peace. Yeah, I feel like. Fawn and freeze is where I go. Um, so noticing where your autopilot response is in your nervous system is really helpful because you've probably experienced more than one, just like I said I do. And you will usually notice these a lot more frequently at this time of year. So I, again, I wanna say this, this is normal. There is nothing wrong with you. This is your nervous system doing what it's supposed to be doing. Okay? And here is the thing that is gonna help you build some awareness around this for yourself is stress starts in the body, not the brain. We always think our thoughts are stressing us out, but before you even notice a thought, your body is already responding to that trigger. And so you might feel these things in in your body. You might like, your shoulders might get tight, or you have a racing heart or your breath becomes shallow, or maybe you have a lot of jaw tension or grind your teeth, you have nuts in your stomach, or maybe you have a sudden urge to scroll or snack or to just keep yourself busy. Because if you're busy, then you don't have to think about it. So these are your bodies', early warning signals, and they're not random. They're your system saying something doesn't feel right. And here's the good news, when you learn to notice these signs, you gain the ability to choose how you want to respond. And this is where the power of the pause comes in. Because I know what you're thinking. You're like, oh, this sounds great but how do I actually notice the signs when I'm overwhelmed or anxious? Well. You are gonna pause. In fact, the pause is so important that at one time my coaching practice was named pause. Because coaching is a powerful pause that helps us build awareness and make thoughtful choices on how we respond to triggers. Now when you pause even for a few seconds, you interrupt your nervous system's auto response. You give your brain space to come back online and, okay, we're gonna nerd out here for a second. So for some clarity on why the pause is so helpful, this is it. What I want you to do is I want you to take two fingers and find the divot at the bottom back of your skull. Go ahead, put your two fingers back there. Put'em at the bottom back of your skull. There's that divot there. That is your brainstem. And that's the door. Every message you receive goes through to be processed. And when there is no threat, the message makes its way to your frontal lobe. Put your hand on your forehead. Now that's your frontal lobe, and that's where you can logically respond to that message. But that's a long way for a message to go and when the message is a threat. Your amygdala, that part of your brain that protects you from getting eaten by a tiger, it gets hijacked, so you gotta pause so you can give that message space to get to your frontal lobe. Okay, let me see if I can say this another way. When a trigger hits your amygdala gets hijacked, and it amps up all your emotions and it clouds your judgment and suddenly your frontal lobe. Uh, the part that helps you make thoughtful decisions, it goes dark. But when you pause, when you take one slow breath, drop your shoulders, feel your feet on the ground, you send a message to your brain that says, I'm not in danger. And that gives the signal time to reach the thinking part of your brain, the frontal lobe, so you can respond instead of react. And pausing is a practice and it needs to be practiced. So it becomes the default response in moments of stress. And now I know you're thinking, again, this is great, but what do I do when I pause? Well, that's where the vagus nerve comes in. So let me introduce you to your vagus nerve. If you've never heard of it before, it is the nerve that connects your gut and your brain. You know, you've always heard about, oh, there's a gut brain connection. That's it. It's your vagus nerve, and it has got some major power. It regulates your nervous system and it runs from your gut through every major organ, all the way up to your brain, and this is the heart of your nervous system. When you activate the vagus nerve, it goes to work to settle your nervous system and control your anxiety. And you know what? There are some very specific ways that you can activate it. And when you've been told some of these strategies in the past, maybe you rolled your eyes and thought, yeah, like some deep breathing is gonna do anything for me. Why would you believe it? It sounds too simple and you feel like the person telling you this is brushing you off and simply does not understand how bad your anxiety is. But you know what? Sometimes the solution is simple. It doesn't have to be complicated. In most times, you can do something to stop the overwhelm, anxiety, and keep from spiraling into a panic attack. So I'm gonna give you six science based ways to activate and calm your vagus nerve. All right, you ready? For the first one? It's to go for a walk in silence. Do not take me with you on your walk. Do not listen to music. Just go on a quiet walk, because getting out into nature is a powerful way to tone or stimulate your vagus nerve and doing it in silence. It gives you an opportunity to do some self-reflection or some daydreaming, which activates multiple parts of your brain. It gives you time to turn down that noise and increase awareness of what matters most and gets you into the present moment. So if you start feeling stressed. Go for a quiet walk. Here's another strategy is to hum and hum loudly. Did you know that when you hum it sends vibrations through your body? And research has found that vibrations from Om, the Om chanting it stimulates the vagus nerve. So hum hum. It's so easy. Um, how about the third way to stimulate your vagus nerve or activate it, is to sing a song at the top of your lungs. Singing releases tension in your diaphragm by activating the vagus nerve, and you get bonus points for singing as loud as you can. And according to the research, the amount of cortisol, the stress hormone in someone's saliva decreases after they sing. Yeah, start singing. Um, number four is practice some deep breathing. And I know this is the one that we blow off all the time, but it's the one that we have access to all the time. You can stand in any room and do some deep breathing. It does not matter, deep breathing. It increases the supply of oxygen to your brain, so it stimulates the vagus nerve, which promotes a state of calmness. So matching movement to breath, like in yoga and meditation, it is so important because it grounds you in your body and in the present moment, but you don't need yoga and meditation to do some deep breathing in that moment when somebody says something that upsets you, do some deep breathing. Um, strategy number five is take a bath. This isn't about getting clean. This is about. Taking a bath, or you can take a hot shower, hot water activates the vagus nerve and it relaxes the body. So when a tense body enters a warm bath or a hot shower, the hot water, it increases the body temperature and it relaxes the muscles, which not only soothes you physically, but also mentally. So again, a hot bath or a hot shower. And finally, the sixth thing that you can do to activate your vagus nerve so you can calm your nervous system is hug someone you love. Oxytocin sometimes called the cuddle hormone is released when people hug or snuggle us. And this release has been found to lower your heart rate and reduce stress. If you can't find someone to hug, curl yourself up with your knees up to your chest, wrap your arms around your legs. The pressure will activate your vagus nerve. And research also suggests that weighted blankets simulate being held or hugged. So go get yourself a weighted blanket if you need to. Let's bring this all together. I know that was like a lot of science, but I feel like you have some things now that you can do to manage your nervous system, the swirl around you. It's real. You're not imagining it, but what's also real is your ability to stay steady in the middle of it. You've learned today that managing stress isn't about fixing everything on the outside. But it's about noticing what's happening inside of you and choosing to pause, to regulate, and to really come back to yourself with that awareness of what's happening in your body. So here's what I want you to reflect on as you move through your week,'cause I'm gonna check in with you on the next episode to see how you're doing. Okay. So when a stressful moment hits, what's your go-to nervous system response? Are you fight flight, freeze, or fawn or some combination thereof? How does your body tell you when you're overwhelmed? Can you start noticing those early signals like the tight chest or the clenching jaw, or a racing heart rate. Those are invitations to pause. And most importantly, what's one small thing you could try this week to activate your vagus nerve and get your system back to a state of calm? So maybe it's that walk in silence. Maybe it's taking that deep breath. Maybe it's that moment under a hot shower. You know, you don't have to do all six things that I shared. Just try one. And practice it because the smallest shift in you, it can change everything managing your nervous system, it is not complicated. It is actually simple once you pay attention to it. And once you play around with these six things I gave you, you'll find what works for you and what feels best. Here are some key takeaways from today's episode. First of all. Your nervous system is doing its job. There's nothing wrong with you, those stress responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, those are automatic, but awareness that creates an opportunity for you to choose. The second takeaway is the pause is your power. It is pausing, interrupts that reactivity, and it gives your brain space to respond with intention. And number three is your vagus nerve is your secret weapon, activate it through those small science-backed actions. Help yourself get back to calm. Okay, so this was part one of a two-part series on managing year end overwhelm and reclaiming your joy. And today we focused on you, your nervous system, your reactions. Your power to pause and reset, and in the next episode we're going to talk about the swirl, all the external stuff circling around you, the expectations, the obligations, family dynamics, work deadlines, and how to manage it in a way that feels more aligned and more grounded. Because once you've learned how to manage yourself in the moment you're ready to start shifting what's going on around you. So I hope you'll tune into the next episode. And in the meantime, please be gentle with yourself. Please remember to pause often and know that even in the busiest season, the joy, it's still available to you. It might not be the perfect holiday you dreamt of, but you can make it so much better when you start with yourself. Starting with yourself is not selfish, it is necessary. Thank you so much for tuning in today. And if you know someone who is in this season and feeling overwhelmed and stressed, please share this episode with them. And I'll see you in the next episode. Bye for now.

Carlene: 20:38

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.