#52: 7 Signs You’re Closer to Living Your Dream Than You Think

Ever wonder why some people seem to actually bring their dreams to life—while yours stays stuck in “someday”? 

Here’s the secret: it’s not about being the smartest, most disciplined, or most "together" person in the room. It’s about how you think, feel, and show up—especially when things get hard, boring, or uncertain.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through the 7 powerful pieces of - think of it as a code of conduct for dreamers - I simply call it the Dreamer’s Code that I’ve seen again and again in people who go from dreaming… to doing. And the best part? These are things you can practice, starting now.

3 KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE

1️⃣ A personal gut-check on where your mindset supports your dream—and where it doesn’t (yet)

2️⃣ Permission to stop waiting for clarity or approval before taking the next step

3️⃣ A renewed connection to why your dream matters, and how to keep going

✨ You could be missing just one piece of the Dreamer’s Code—one small shift away from finding that momentum again.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE START DREAMING AGAIN GUIDE

Check out all my coaching and course offerings - Coachcarlene.com

MORE FROM ME

Follow me on Instagram: @coach_carlene

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review on Apple Podcasts! Your support helps me reach more dreamers who need these insights. 🎙️ Thanks for tuning in to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast! See you next week!

FOLLOW NOW
Also, if you haven't done so already, follow the podcast. I'm adding episodes every week, and if you're not folllowing, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Follow now!

Episode Website

Transcript

Speaker 3: 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:22

Welcome back friend to the Distracted Dreamer podcast. I'm your host Carlene, and today's episode is gonna give you so much clarity. If you've been asking yourself, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just do the things I need to do so that I can live my dream? And you know what? I know what that's like'cause I've lived with that tension too. So, have you ever noticed how some people, like, maybe even people who aren't that smart or very impressive on paper, they somehow end up actually doing the things that they talk about doing? You know, like they say, they're gonna start a business or move across the country or write that book and then boom, they're doing it. And once they've built one dream, they're off building the next. And from the outside it almost looks effortless, we wanna be that person. And instead, like you're sitting there wondering why your dream, maybe it's something simple like planting a garden And it just never quite happens. And no matter how much you research, or no matter how many tools you buy, and no matter how many YouTube videos you watch or Pinterest boards, you save. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You go down that rabbit hole, something is missing. And the worst part is, is that you start to wonder if you are the problem, and, and here's the shocking part. Research shows that it's not about having a high IQ and it's not about luck, and it's definitely not about hustling the truth. As people who bring their dreams to life, they usually live by a kind of code, right? Not like a flashy like, oh, I'm gonna grind my way to success kind of a thing. It's very quiet compared to that, and it's, it's emotional. It's how they think and how they choose. And how they respond, especially when things get hard or boring or uncertain. So today I am gonna walk you through seven pieces of what I call the Dreamers code. I just made that up, but we're gonna call it the Dreamers code. And these are real predictors of whether your dream stays a dream or becomes your actual life. And I've seen these patterns pop up again and again, not not just in my life, but in the lives of my clients and friends and even strangers. Who are just quietly building things that they only imagined at one point. So today I'm gonna walk you through the seven key pieces of this code. And each piece of this code is something that you can kind of use as a self-check as we're going through them. As you listen, ask yourself, honestly, is this something that I already do? Or is this something that I wanna grow into? And you know what? You may be like, yes, I've noticed that I've got that part of the code nailed. And then others, you're gonna be like, well that's, that's missing. And that's okay. Because once you understand this, you can do something about it. Because we have to get real talking about our dreams. It's great. But doing something with those dreams, that's what truly matters. And this episode, it's gonna help you do just that. And of course, I've got some stories and a bit of research to share with you along the way. Are you ready? Let's get into it. Okay. The first piece of the Dreamers code is this. You say no more often than you say yes. Like you say no to almost everything. Not because you're selfish or you're unavailable, but because you know your time, your energy and your focus are your most precious resources, and you protect them fiercely. And it doesn't mean that you don't care. It means that you care enough about your dream to give it your best, not just what's left over. And this is something that we did a whole episode on back in episode 30, uh, called How to Say No With Confidence. And honestly, if you struggle with this, especially if you're a recovering people pleaser, I highly recommend that you go back and give that one a listen. Because saying no doesn't come naturally for a lot of us, when we were little, like we had no problem saying no, but somewhere along the way we learned that saying no comes with consequences. Even disappointment and disconnecting from people and sometimes we were even punished for it. So we started saying yes even when we didn't want to. So we people pleased for the sake of everyone else's piece. Except our own. And that turned into a pattern, a pattern of overcommitting, of stretching ourselves way too thin. And sometimes, uh, let's be honest here, resenting the very things that we said yes to. And you feel that one? I do. But here's the thing. Every yes, you give out of guilt or fear, it's a quiet no to your own dreams and people who actually go after their dreams, they protect their yes, they unapologetically use their no instead. So I mentioned in episode 30 I shared a bunch of real life examples and even walked through the exact words you can use to say no with confidence. And kindness without ghosting people or feeling like you have to explain yourself every time you say no, seriously, there's a whole formula and it works. If your calendar is feeling full, but your dream is like, oh, I am not on your calendar. What's happening here? It might be time to get really honest about what you're saying yes to and what it's costing you, because when you say no to what is draining you. You start saying yes to the things that light you up, also known as your dreams. So ask yourself. This is the check-in for this one. Ask yourself, am I willing to say no? Often and without guilt, yes or no. Just be honest. If it's not a full yes, this is a piece of the code that you can lean into. If this one's hitting home and you're like, Ooh, I really wanna work on saying no, and I do wanna be kind about it, go back to episode 30, how to say No with confidence, without guilt or apology. Um, it's really packed with some great information there and I love a formula when it comes to conversations like that. So. You can check that out. Okay. The next piece of the code is that you can delay gratification without making yourself miserable. Now, let's pause here because this one gets really misunderstood. People hear delayed gratification and they think they're supposed to like white knuckle their way through all the joyless routines for the next five years until the dream finally arrives. But like we talked about in episode 39, hard is part of the dream. It's the messy, unglamorous middle that makes the end so worth it. And I know this is such an overused, cheesy metaphor, but it It's true. So I'm gonna say it. The dream, it isn't just the mountaintop, it's who you become on the climb. You know what? There's lots of songs about it because it's true. And getting to the mountaintop that isn't what this is about. This is about knowing that the hard parts of your dream don't mean that you're doing it wrong. The hard parts mean that you're in it and hard doesn't mean that you picked the wrong dream either. It just means that you're alive inside of something that matters to you. And if you can find small ways to bring joy or even lightness into the hard parts, like singing in the car on the way to a doctor's appointment that you don't wanna go to or making a playlist while you're packing up boxes or cleaning out your closet, it's about what. Doing and how you're feeling while you're getting through that messy middle. That makes all the difference. Now, I, I said in that episode, and I'll say it again, that fun doesn't erase the hard but it makes it bearable and joy. That's what helps keep you going. So here is your check-in for number two here. I want you to ask yourself right now, am I letting the hard parts of my dream steal the joy, or am I finding ways to hold both the challenge and the hope? Yes or no? If you are someone who can stick with something, even when it's not glamorous, even when the dopamine wears off, and you can still find little sparks of motivation inside the mundane parts of it, that's discipline and devotion rolled all into one. If this is speaking to you and you're like, yeah, I wanna know how to do this, go listen to episode 39. Hard is part of the dream. If you need a reminder that you're just in the messy middle of something and you'll walk away with six powerful mindset shifts and you'll probably feel a lot less alone. Okay, we are onto number three. So another piece of the code that separates dreamers from the tire kickers is curiosity over intelligence, so you value curiosity over intelligence. The people that I see bring their dreams to life, they are rarely the smartest people in the room. But you know what they are? They are endlessly curious and they don't assume that they have all the answers, and they're the people that ask better questions, and when something doesn't work, they know how to pivot. And they don't panic. So let's talk about curiosity a little bit here, because when it comes to bringing your dreams to life, we do assume that it's the smartest, most strategic people who succeed. But that's not what the research says. So according to uc, Berkeley, they did a study and they found that curiosity actually predicts adaptability better than raw intelligence. And that makes sense, because building your dream isn't about knowing everything. It's about being willing to figure things out. And like I said, curious people, they ask better questions. They're willing to explore, they're willing to stay open, and that gives them way more staying power when things get messier or uncertain. So here's a quick story for you. I, I promised you a story. So here's a story on this one. When I started this podcast, I had no clue what I was doing. You guys, no clue. I didn't know how to edit audio. I didn't know what mic to buy. I didn't know what software to use. I didn't know how to host it or how to upload it or like any of the tech stuff. And to be honest, a big part of me felt totally underqualified to do this. Like, who was I trying to do this here? But here's what helped keep me going. I didn't try to be the smartest person in the room. I just got really curious. I let myself Google all these questions. I watched tutorials. I asked people who were a few steps ahead of me, and I took notes, and you know what else? I made a lot of mistakes and I just kept learning. And that more than anything is what brought this podcast to life. So if you ever catch yourself thinking, oh, I'm not smart enough, or I don't know what I'm doing, you need to pause and flip the question and instead try saying. What could I learn here? What's one thing that I could try, or who could I ask? And that one shift from needing to know, to be willing to learn that might be the exact thing that moves you forward. Because it moved me forward, I can tell you that. Let's go ahead and do a check-in here, and I want you to ask yourself, am I waiting to feel ready or am I willing to be curious and get scrappy? Yes or no? Yes or no? If it's not a hard yes, then it's a no because you have to remember curiosity. It keeps dreams alive even well, especially when things get confusing. Alright, whew. We are on number four right at the midpoint here, so stay with me. The fourth piece of this code is that you are comfortable with boredom. Now, I know that doesn't sound very inspiring, does it? But stay with me because this might be one of the most overlooked signals that you're truly on your way to building something meaningful. We romanticize dreaming, don't we? And we imagine that once we figure out our thing, everything is just gonna fall into place and there'll be excitement and creativity and momentum and signs from the universe, the, the whole deal. But here's the truth that I had to face, is living your dream. It doesn't always feel dreamy. In fact, a lot of it feels kind of boring. Let me tell you what I mean. Several years ago I started creating my very first digital course and I was so excited and I felt very clear about what it was gonna be about and the content was flowing and I had like two dozen post-it notes stuck to the wall. But once I got past the planning. The real work set in. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Suddenly I was spending hours formatting slides and I was trying to pick the perfect font and I was fixing weird spacing issues. I was rerecording lessons when the mic picked up background noise, and I was googling how to set up the back end of the course platform for like the hundredth time because I just couldn't get it to sync. And you know what? None of it was inspiring. It was tedious and I remember thinking, is this what it looks like to bring your dream to life? Because it mostly feels like a whole lot of project management and a lot of digital duct tape. But here's what I realized, the exciting part of dreaming, it gets you started. And the boring part, it's what gets it done. I am gonna say that again. The exciting part of dreaming, that's what gets you started. It's the boring part that gets it done. The people who bring their dreams to life, They're the ones who learn how to stick with it when it's not glamorous. When it's not fun, when it's kind of mundane, they can stick with it. And so here's your check-in for number four here. Ask yourself, am I willing to show up even when it's boring? Yes or no? If yes, that means that your dream is moving outta the dream phase into something real. That's very cool. Alright, next up is the fifth piece of the code. Here it is. You are okay. Not having everyone support. Yes, you're okay. Not having everyone support. And it's important because your dream, it's yours and you don't need a permission slip. To dream and if you're gonna wait for every friend, or every family member, or every person on the internet to get it, well, you're gonna wait forever. And that dream, it's just gonna start fading into the background. Let, let me be real honest with you why this one is so hard, because there are those of us who want to be liked. We want to belong. And we want to feel supported. Like who doesn't, and if you are building something right now and you're feeling a little lonely or misunderstood, you're not imagining it. That's real. You're starting to chase the dream and you're looking around and you realize that not everyone gets it. And maybe the people closest to you, they don't share your excitement and maybe they roll their eyes when you talk about your big ideas. I mean, maybe they love you. I'm sure they do, but they just don't understand what you're trying to do. And that can be painful. But here's the thing, your dream, it wasn't built by committee. The people who bring their dreams to life, they stop waiting for everyone else to get on board. They stop needing permission and they learn to cheer for themselves, at least at the beginning. If you're the only one cheering for yourself, keep cheering. Keep cheering louder, keep going. And yes, loneliness. It can absolutely show up here. And I remember early in my coaching business, I was so excited about doing this, but at the same time, I felt like I had to constantly explain it to people like yes. Coaching. It is a real job. Yes, it's meaningful work. And yes, it's a business. And even when people were kind about it, I could tell they just didn't get it. And I thought, wouldn't it be so much easier if I just had some people that understood it? And you know what? Eventually I realized I am the only one who had to get it, and I am the one who had to keep showing up even. When other people weren't there, and honestly, that decision to stop needing everyone else's approval, it was a turning point because here's the deal, if your dream requires everyone's understanding to survive, it's not going to last. It needs to be rooted in your own values, in your own why, that we are going to talk about and your own belief that what you're doing matters, even if no one else sees it. And I just wanna stop and, and say I am so grateful for the support that I did have. I had great support from my family and my friends when I set out on this journey to become a coach. And here I am today with, with a podcast, who would've thought, and I couldn't have done it without their support, but. I realized I didn't have to have everybody on board. I didn't need everybody. I just needed the best people behind me who understood it, and that's all you need. Okay, so here's your checkpoint for this. One is, can I keep going even if other people don't fully understand or approve yes or no, be honest. And if you find yourself waiting for support before you begin, or you're holding back until someone tells you that it's valid or, yeah, that makes sense, then this is part of the code that you wanna work on. And I wanna remind you, you do not need a room full of people cheering for you to get started. And yes, absolutely community matters. And we talked all about how to build that in episode 19. But before the community comes, there's courage we are on the sixth piece of the code, and that is that you are emotionally connected to your dream and this piece of the code. It's the thing that separates dreams that fade into the background from dreams that become reality. It's that you know why this dream matters to you. You know your why. If you're waiting for motivation to show up before you take action, you are going to be waiting a very long time. But when you're emotionally connected to your dream, when you know exactly why it matters to you, you stop needing the external motivation to keep going. Because that fire, it actually comes from inside of you. So here, let me break it down for you really quickly. There are two types of motivation. There's external motivation and there's internal motivation. So external motivation is all the stuff outside of you. It's the approval, it's the pressure, it's the deadlines, it's the people pleasing, it's the guilt, and all of those things. Some of them sound very negative, but they are still motivators. And those can work, but they don't last. And it's not what gets you through the messy middle. Now, internal motivation on the other hand, that comes from your why, that's your reason. That's your emotional connection to the dream. And when your dream is tied to something that's deeply personal and meaningful, you're gonna keep showing up for it. Even when it's boring. Even when it's hard, and even when no one else is on board with you. Let me ask you, have you done the work to uncover your why? And I don't mean just the surface level. Why like, I wanna make more money, or I should be doing this by now. I'm talking about the real why. You know, the one that makes you tear up a little when you say it out loud, or the one that reminds you that this isn't about anyone else. And one of the tools I'd love for this is the five wise technique. And it's exactly what it sounds like. You take your dream or your goal and you ask yourself, why is this important to me? And then you ask again and again until you hit something that's deep and honest and and real. Let's just use the writing a book.'cause everybody wants to write a book, so you wanna say, uh, why? Why do you wanna write a book? Well, because I wanna share my story. Why is sharing your story important? Well, because I know someone out there might need to hear it. Well, why is that important to you? Because I know what it feels like to feel alone, and I don't want anyone else to feel that way. Okay, well, why do you care about that? Because I never had that kind of voice growing up, and I want to be what I needed, and boom, there it is. That's not a surface level goal anymore. That's heart and that's the purpose. And you know what? Neuroscience it actually, it backs this up. Your why. It literally activates the brain's dopamine system. That means that it's boosting focus, drive and resilience. It's not just emotional, it's chemical also. If you've lost momentum lately, it might not be about discipline or strategy. It might be that you haven't gone deep enough yet. Here's your check-in. Ask yourself, am I clear on why I care about this dream and how it connects to the kind of life that I wanna build? Yes or no? If you answered no, here's your invitation. Take five minutes and do the five why's exercise. Do it right now. Write it down. Put it where you can see it. Read it back when things get hard. Because your why. It isn't just what gets you started. That's what carries you through the hard parts. And if you don't have that emotional connection yet, that's fine. Just go ask the questions, feel what comes up, and you're gonna get a clarity, I promise. Okay. We are on the home stretch here. We are on number seven, the seventh piece of the Dreamers code, and that is that you don't need to know every step to get started, you're okay not knowing every step, and you trust yourself to figure things out as you go, and you get scrappy and you pivot and you ask for help, and you are not paralyzed by perfection. And you move forward with whatever you have. Now, I love a good plan. You know, give me a clean checklist and a color coded spreadsheet and you know I'm gonna do great. But you know what? Dreaming it doesn't always come with a detailed Google Doc and a guaranteed timeline. Sometimes it's more like, I have no idea how this is going to work, but I can feel that it's the right thing to do. And honestly, that's enough. The people that I've seen bring their dreams to life. They're not the ones who knew every answer ahead of time. They're the ones who figured it out as they went. They got scrappy. They asked for help. They pivoted, they Googled, they cried in the car, they rerecorded things. They fixed what broke, and then they broke something else the next day. And that's okay. But you know what? They kept going because they knew this truth that you don't have to see the whole path to take the next step. If you're the kind of person who keeps waiting to feel ready, if you're researching your dream to death. If you keep telling yourself, as soon as I figure out this one thing, then I'll start, oh, this is your sign. It's okay not to know every detail. You are allowed to move forward without knowing what's going to happen, because not knowing. Is part of the process and trusting yourself to be resourceful, to figure it out when the time comes. That's one of the most empowering shifts that you're ever gonna make. So here's your final check-in. Am I okay starting, even if I don't know exactly how it'll all work out? Yes or no? Because you know what? If you're already experimenting, adapting, learning as you go, then you got this part of the code nailed. And if you're not quite there yet, don't worry. That's okay too. Just start where you are. You can start messy. Just start now. Okay, we did it. We got through all seven pieces of the code, so let's take a breath and bring it all together. Um, and remember the seven pieces of this Dreamers code. This isn't a checklist for you to check off, like, oh, I have to get this perfect. This is more like an internal compass. It's a way of being that I've seen again and again in people who actually bring their dreams to life. these aren't traits or strategies. They're beliefs, they're ways of showing up. They're how you feel. How you think and how you actually move through the world, especially when it's hard, and especially when that dream feels really far away. Let's just do one more check-in together before we sign off. Okay. First, are you protecting your time and energy by saying no more than you say Yes. Just yes or no. Okay. Are you able to delay gratification without misery and enjoy the process even when it's messy? Three? Do you choose curiosity over needing to be the smartest? Four. Can you sit with boredom? Can you be comfortable with the boredom and keep going anyway? Yes or no? Number five, are you okay? If not everybody claps for you or even understands what you're building? Are you okay with that? Yes or no? And number six. Do you know why this dream matters to you? Like really? Do you know it? The deep down, why yes or no? And finally, number seven, are you willing to begin without knowing all the steps? Without knowing all the answers? Yes or no? Now, if you can answer yes to most of these, you're already on the path, and if not, that's okay too. You know what? This is just information. It's a mirror. It's a starting point, and the truth is, this isn't just about what you do. It's about who you are becoming and becoming the kind of person who lives their dream. It doesn't happen overnight. It happens literally piece by piece, one choice at a time. So you don't have to master all seven pieces of this code today. You just need to notice where you are and keep showing up. If there's one piece of this code that really hit home for you today, something that you wanna lean into more, that you wanna hold on to, write it down, put it on a post-it. Just start there. Okay. And please use the text Carlene link in the show notes and tell me which piece of the code you're working on, because I'd love to hear where you are at and how I can support you going forward. And before you exit your app, wherever you're listening to this podcast, can you please take a quick minute and leave a review? It helps others just like you find us here on the Distracted Dreamer. And I just wanna say thank you ahead of time for taking the time to do that. If you are hesitating on your dreams, there is one last thing I want to leave with you today. I want you to ask yourself, what if it all works out? What if it's worth it in the end? What if it turns out better than you could have ever imagined? Entertain that thought, and I'll be here to welcome you to our next conversation. Bye for now.

Carlene: 31:04

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.