#49: Is It ADHD… or Menopause? (And What It Means for Your Dreams)

Brain fog? No motivation? Can’t remember anything? You might be wondering — is it ADHD… or menopause? And what does either one have to do with chasing a dream?

In today’s solo episode, I’m unpacking what happens when estrogen drops, dopamine crashes, and your once-focused brain suddenly can’t finish a sentence — much less a creative project. I’ll also share my own experience with breast cancer and what it means to rebuild your rhythm when hormones aren’t an option.

If you’re stuck in the loop of starting, stopping, and self-sabotaging, this is your reminder: there’s nothing wrong with you. Your brain is asking for a new kind of support — and there are steps you can take.

KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE

1️⃣ You’re not broken — you’re navigating a real cognitive shift

2️⃣ Your old tools may not work anymore — and that doesn’t mean you’ve failed

3️⃣ Even without hormones or meds, you can still find your flow

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

The New Menopause  by Dr. Mary Claire Haver

The Pause Life - Dr Mary Claire Haver website with more menopause resources

CHADD - ADHD Resources

Distracted Dreamer Episode 48: The Science of Recovery: How Your Nervous System Fuels Your Dreams

Distracted Dreamer Episode 41: Embracing Self-Care and Recovery: Fuel Your Dreams and Prevent Burnout

Check out all my coaching and course offerings - Coachcarlene.com

MORE FROM ME

Follow me on Instagram: @coach_carlene

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Transcript

Speaker 3: 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:21

Hello. Hello my friend. Welcome back to The Distracted Dreamer. I'm your host Carlene, and if this is your first time here, welcome to the Distracted Dreamer family. I love spending this time with you, so find a quiet spot to take this all in because October is what I like to call the trifecta of all trifectas. It's a DHD awareness month. It's Menopause Awareness Month, and it's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And we are talking about all of it today because honestly, it hasn't been talked about enough, and you are going to walk away with a new understanding of what's happening for you. And I'm gonna share some tools that you can start using today to get some relief. And guess what? This trifecta of A DHD, menopause and breast cancer, all three have touched my life. And I know I'm not the only one. So if you've been staring at your to-do list lately, wondering why your brain feels like it's buffering, your energy's very unpredictable and your motivation is just completely disappeared. I want you to know I see you and I feel your frustration and all the things that go along with it. Today's episode, it's really personal for me because this intersection of A DHD and menopause, I've lived it. And I remember when I hit menopause, I was in my mid forties and suddenly I was sad, I was exhausted, and I, I couldn't remember anything and I was snapping at people and I was wondering what the heck is wrong with me? And here's the funny thing. I'm an A DHD coach. I literally know all the signs, and yet I sat there thinking night after night, oh my gosh, do I have a DHD? How could I not know? So I did what you're supposed to do. I went to my gynecologist and asked for a hormone check. He ended up doing an ultrasound. And I'll never forget what he said as he was pointing at the screen, you know, with all the compassion, a man without ovaries could muster. He looked at the screen and said, well, your ovaries are kind of like dried up fruit. And he's sitting there pointing at it. And I remember sitting there thinking, yeah, thanks. I do see them, but what I don't see is why is this happening so early, or what do I do about it? So I left there feeling pretty hopeless. I went home and I did what so many of us do. I started Googling Dr. Google, I Googled low estrogen brain fog, sudden A DHD symptoms. And let me tell you, back then the information, it just wasn't there. Nothing explained what was happening to my brain, my energy, or my sense of self. And you know, which by the way, is still a problem to this day. Women's health, especially menopause. Our hormonal health is one of the most understudied, underfunded, and neglected areas in healthcare. And then I heard Dr. Mary Claire haver say that they are seeing menopause as the new onset of A DHD. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you kidding me? She is a board certified O-B-G-Y-N and menopause practitioner. She has become a leading voice in women's health and she focuses on demystifying menopause through. Her books. She has a ton of online resources and she even has a wellness clinic she is also the author of the number One New York Times bestseller, the New Menopause awesome book. Go get it. And she's known for her approach because it's an integrative approach. She integrates nutrition and exercise, stress reduction, sleep and hormone therapy. Go check her out, get her book, and follow her on Instagram. As you can see with people like Dr. Mary Claire, things are starting to shift. More women, doctors, and researchers are taking the reins and asking better questions and demanding better answers for us. Now here's another layer of why this is personal for me. When menopause happens, our estrogen drops and one of the main treatments has been hormone replacement therapy, or HRT If you've never heard of it, now you have heard of it. I remember I went to breakfast with a friend, uh, last month and she was telling me all these symptoms that she was having hot flashes and brain fog and all this stuff. I mentioned HRT and she was like, what's HRT? She had no idea. That really told me that we don't talk about this enough. We need to be talking about this. Every woman should know about what is out there. So what HRT is is that's usually a combination of estrogen and progesterone that, uh, helps with the deficit of those hormones in our body once we hit menopause. And yes, I know what you're thinking. For a long time, there were studies that wrongly told us that HRT causes cancer, but that's been largely debunked. We know now that HRT doesn't cause cancer, but here's where it does get scary. If there is already cancer present, especially if it's estrogen or progesterone positive cancer, HRT can make it grow faster. And that was me. My breast cancer was estrogen and progesterone positive, meaning that those hormones feed it. I'm one of many women who can't take hormones, not even testosterone, because it converts to estrogen in the body. I never knew that. If you wanna know how it feels to have zero estrogen, zero progesterone, and zero testosterone, I always tell my husband, I'm dead inside. I got nothing. And, and it's true. That is how I feel. And here's the problem. I can't rely on hormones to help me boost my dopamine or clear the brain fog, or regulate my sleep, or stabilize my moods. So I've had to explore alternative paths. It's still an experiment and I'll share more in the future, but for now, just know this. If you're a breast cancer survivor and you're in menopause and your cancer was hormone positive, I feel you deeply. I am with you and I am praying for more options and better treatments and some real relief for all of us. And I'm gonna share a few resources in the show notes for anyone else navigating this tricky combination. So to answer your question, no, I don't have a DHD, but this experience, it gave me so much more empathy for my clients, for my friends, for the people I love who are living with A DHD every day. And it taught me that sometimes what we're feeling isn't a personal failure. It's actually a physiological shift that's happening. That's what we're unpacking today. We're gonna unpack why midlife can feel like the onset of A DHD. We're gonna talk about what's really happening in our brains and how all of this, the hormones, the distraction, the fatigue, can disconnect us from our dreams and what the heck to do about it. Let's start here. If you've found yourself thinking, why can't I remember things anymore? Or I used to be able to handle so much more. You are absolutely not alone. So many women in their forties and fifties describe a sense of like this mental static, like your thoughts. They're harder to organize. Focus is very slippery. Words they're just missing. You can't find'em at all. You're tired all the time, but you're also wired at the same time, and you're not sure if it's burnout your hormones, or maybe it is a DHD, or maybe it's something else entirely. But here's the twist. Many of the cognitive symptoms of menopause and A DHD, they overlap. Things like having trouble concentrating. Or those memory lapses I just mentioned, or having executive dysfunction, you know, where you can't pay attention, you can't organize things, you can't initiate any tasks. Or how about emotional reactivity? Yeah, you blow things out of proportion. Are, are you crying and you have no idea why or what about the lack of sleep? I can talk to that one. Lack of sleep. Sleep disruption is very, very real. Now, these symptoms don't mean that you have a DHD, but for some women, menopause becomes the moment where previously subtle symptoms, things that they'd always chalked up to being a little scattered or sensitive suddenly became. Unmanageable, and that's when they finally get evaluated and diagnosed. Or others who were diagnosed earlier with A DHD are realizing their meds or their routines, they aren't working like they used to. And that might be because their hormones are shifting. Here's what's happening under the hood Estrogen, it's one of the primary hormones that drops during perimenopause and menopause, and it doesn't just affect reproductive health. It also supports dopamine production and regulation in the brain. So dopamine is one of our key players in focus, attention, and motivation. It's also central to a DHD. When you have a DHD, you either have. Low stores of dopamine in your brain, or the dopamine that you have is very sluggish. And so when estrogen starts to decline, as it naturally does in our midlife, dopamine takes a hit too. And suddenly the brain that used to mostly keep it together is like, Nope. As menopause specialist, Dr. Mary Claire puts it when estrogen drops, dopamine skips a beat. And there's research that backs that up. One study looked at women going through early menopause who were experiencing new executive function issues, and they responded positively to A DHD medication. Now, that doesn't mean everybody needs meds, but it does mean that the cognitive struggle is real. It's chemical. And by the way, it's not your fault. Here's where this gets real personal, because A, DH, D and menopause, they don't just mess with our memory and our mood. They mess with our momentum. If you are someone with creative ideas or big goals, someone who dreams about building a more intentional life this season can feel like a betrayal, right? You feel like you're being duped. There's the obvious stuff, like you start things with excitement, but then you abandon them before you're even halfway through, or you get overwhelmed by decisions. Even little decisions like what? Am I gonna wear it today? Or you procrastinate? Not because you don't care, but because your brain, it can't organize what to do next and it goes deeper. So many of us are walking around with mental fatigue, not just tiredness, but you know, that bone deep exhaustion where just getting through the basics of life, it feels like it's just too much. Like laundry, it can feel like a mountain. Or what about texting back a friend? Like sometimes it feels impossible. Like I always sit there and I'm like, what do I say? I have no idea. Especially in group chats completely overwhelms me or trying to prioritize your dreams. You know what? I get it. That feels laughable, but then the self-doubt creeps in, maybe you're saying to yourself, I don't even know what's important anymore. And then you tell yourself, well, even if I did, I don't trust myself to follow through. And then you think, how can I commit to anything new when I forget why I walked into a room? And then maybe you say, every time I try to start something I don't finish, and I tell myself, see, there I go again. I never finish anything. Does any of that sound familiar to you? It's a loop. It's a cycle of starting stopping, and then finally self-sabotaging. And then don't forget, there are the days that just feel flat or sad, or maybe even low level depressed. And the truth is, when you're depressed, your dreams are the last thing on your mind. Not because you've given up on them, but because your system is in survival mode. And I say this not to discourage you, but to validate you. Because if you've been blaming yourself and shaming yourself, I want you to know that what you're feeling is real. And it has roots like literally in your brain and in your hormones. You are not lazy, you're not being flaky. You are navigating a season of massive cognitive change and your dreams, I'm gonna tell you, they're still in there. They're just a little bit quieter right now, and they haven't left you. They might just need to be approached in a different way. More gentle now saying all that, I want you to know that there are things you can do. The first thing I encourage you to do is get support. If you suspect A DHD, go get evaluated. Medication becomes an option after diagnosis, and whether or not you choose to medicate is a very personal decision, but that first step, it matters many primary care doctors can evaluate you, but it might not be the most thorough route. You can also seek out a psychiatrist, someone who prescribes A DHD meds, and get a more comprehensive evaluation there where they really do a deep dive into your executive functions. Now, if you don't have a DHD, but you're in your forties or fifties and you're experiencing a DHD like symptoms. Go to your doctor and get checked for perimenopause or menopause. If you are in menopause. That alone might explain so much, and at that point, you and your doctor can talk about options, whether that's HRT or other treatments that support your cognitive and your emotional health. And if you're feeling anxious or depressed, please consider working with a therapist. Ideally, someone who specializes in or understands A DHD, mental health support matters. And if you're doing okay mentally, but still feel like you can't figure out how to get going or how to work with your new brain in this stage of life, work with an A DHD coach. Yes, even if you don't have an official diagnosis, but you're navigating menopause and experiencing a D like symptoms, a coach can help you uncover what works for you Now. Today, not for your 20 or 30-year-old brain, and in honor of all the awareness months, we're celebrating this October, the A DHD, menopause and Breast Cancer. I am opening five coaching slots on my calendar between now and the end of the year. If you are interested in coaching with me, just send a text using the link in the show notes that says Text Carlene. Introduce yourself and leave your email and I'll reach out so we can schedule a time to talk about what you need in this season of your life. The second thing that you can do. Is embrace rest and recovery. This is so important. If you haven't yet, go listen to episode 48. It's called The Science of Recovery, how Your Nervous System fuels your Dreams. It'll help you understand what real nervous system calming recovery looks like. And if you struggle with guilt around rest, or you tend to feel bad for needing care in the first place, Check out episode 41. Embracing self-care and recovery. Fuel your dreams and prevent burnout. Rest is not the reward, it's the foundation. It is a must. Okay. The third thing that you can do is to hack your dopamine. Yeah, hack your dopamine. There are things that you can do every day to support dopamine, that precious little neurochemical that helps us feel motivated, focused, and able to follow through. You have some control over that. Here's what this looks like first, be aware of what is called false dopamine. These are things that feel good in the moment, but leave you feeling more drained, distracted, and depleted. This is where false dopamine comes from. Scrolling. Social media, mindlessly reading, endless comment threads. How about snacking without thinking? Ooh, how about that? Impulse shopping? Yeah. Amazon online. Yep, that's, that's where it happens. Oh, what about binge watching for hours or switching tabs constantly on your computer? Or how about all those notifications? They are just nonstop and they're just pinging you all day long, turn off notifications, or what about the multitasking that you're doing? You think you're being productive, but it's actually draining you. So these all spike your dopamine fast and then drop it just as quickly. And that crash, that's what leaves you foggy. Unfocused, and like you're just fried. So what you wanna do, you want to focus on real dopamine instead. These are things that naturally build dopamine over time in sustainable and nourishing ways. Here are some real dopamine boosters taking a walk outside the walking and the being outside. Best combination ever for dopamine. Finishing a task. Yeah, we all get that high after we finish something, how about a real conversation, not on social media, not texting. Make a phone call, hear someone's voice, let them hear yours, or get together. Live in person that boost dopamine. How about exercising? This is the number one go-to for folks with A DHD. This has more of an impact on your dopamine than anything else you can do if you exercise every day, you are going to feel a difference. Not just physically, but mentally. I'm telling you the days that I don't work out, I usually work out like four or five times a week where I go someplace and I have a formal exercise. Class at Pure Bar. In the days that I don't go, I have a different energy level. Um, even if I'm taking the walk and moving throughout my day, there's just nothing like that actual exercise. If you wanna change your dopamine, start exercising. Um, what about creating something, right? When we create something, oh my gosh, the dopamine just, it just explodes, because we love creating things and then we can see it also. So it's. This big accomplishment when we create something new or reading a book. Reading a book boosts dopamine also, or learning a new skill. Even cleaning up a space. There's something about making your bed in the morning. That's why I always tell people, make your bed in the morning. You wanna know what it does. First of all, it looks really nice when your bed is made, but it also says, Hey, I just did something. I just accomplished something and that feels really good. Here's a hit of dopamine. Or you could try some deep, slow breathing that also increases your dopamine. Here's another one that I don't think we talk about enough, is keeping promises. Yeah, we wanna keep promises to other people, but keeping promises to yourself. If you tell yourself that you're gonna do something, keep that promise like you would keep it to somebody else. Don't let yourself down. Keep promises to yourself. Um, journaling your thoughts really helps with boosting the dopamine also. And guess what else? Helping someone else. You know, I always wondered why does it feel so good after I get off a coaching call with one of my clients? It's because I just helped someone and that feels good. So if you wanna boost your dopamine, go help someone. It feels good. Now, these don't just help your focus. They reconnect you to your motivation and your momentum. Let's say that you've figured out what's causing your symptoms, but medication isn't an option for you. Maybe it's not something you want to try right now, or maybe like me, you're not able to take something like HRT because of hormone positive cancer. I wanna be honest with you, none of these tools will fix it. None of them will fully replace the relief that hormones or medication might provide, but they can help you work with your energy and not against it on any given day. And that in the season of life, that's really powerful. Okay, so this has been a lot of information today, and there's more if you click the links in the show notes. But here's the most important question. What's your next step? Are you going to listen to a couple more episodes on rest and recovery that I mentioned? Are you gonna make an appointment with a doctor to get evaluated? Maybe you wanna share this episode with someone and have a conversation about what you might want to do or what they may want to do. Or are you gonna text me to learn more about coaching? Go ahead and do that. Or are you gonna take one small step today? Like staying off of social media? Or going for a walk to take charge of your dopamine. I know there are a lot of options for you, but it's important that you make a promise to yourself right now, because remember when you make a promise to yourself and you keep the promise to yourself, that's right. You increase your dopamine. So do something for yourself, because no one else can do it for you. Your energy may be shifting, but your dreams, they're still yours, and maybe they just need a little grace right now and a little space to unfold in a way that works for you. Thank you so much for being here with me, and if something in this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with a friend or send me a text message. I always love hearing from you. And until next time, please be gentle with yourself. I promise your dreams, they are still in reach, and I can't wait to welcome you into our next conversation. Bye for now.

Carlene: 25:11

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.