#48: The Science of Recovery: How Your Nervous System Fuels Your Dreams

I used to think recovery meant sleep, a long walk, or a girls’ weekend — but even after all that, I still felt drained. It didn’t make sense… until I learned what was actually happening in my nervous system.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the real science of recovery — how your body toggles between go mode and rest mode, and why so many of the things that look restful still keep you stuck in performance mode. 

We’ll talk about what true recovery feels like, why your energy dips aren’t personal failures, and how small, intentional pauses can bring your creativity and clarity back to life.

Oh — and remember a while back when I asked for your help naming my Oura Ring advisor? The big reveal happens in this episode. (Spoiler: she’s got a name that fits perfectly.)

3 KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:

• False recovery keeps you busy but not restored — and your body knows the difference.
• You can’t think your way to rest; you have to feel your way there.
• When your nervous system settles, your creativity naturally returns.

LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:

Oura Ring

Ep #41: Embracing Self-Care and Recovery: Fuel Your Dreams and Prevent Burnout 

Ep #46: Start Dreaming Again: A Mini-Workshop to Discover What You Really Want

Check out all my coaching and course offerings - Coachcarlene.com

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Transcript

Speaker 3: 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:22

Well, hello. Hello my friend. Welcome back to the Distracted Dreamer. I'm your host Carlene, and I am so glad you're here. You're actually here on a very special day. Back in one of my earlier episodes, I believe it was episode 41, I talked about my AA ring advisor, and I asked you all to send me some texts and to weigh in on what you think I should name my AA ring advisor. So the big reveal is today. Stay tuned'cause I'm working it into what we're talking about today. If you've been around for a while, you might remember episode 41 that I just mentioned. That episode was all about embracing self-care and recovery, and we talked a lot about the guilt that can show up when we try to slow down. Now that episode was really about giving ourselves permission to rest. This one today, this is part two of it, the sciency edition. But don't worry, it's not complicated stuff. It's really just simple ways to understand what's really going on in your body and your brain when you're constantly on the go, and why you might be crashing. Even when you think that you're resting. Now, what's interesting is the lack of recovery in my life was revealing itself in the most unexpected place. It was like right inside my dream list. So back in episode 46, I walked you through the start dreaming again, mini workshop. And if you listen to that one, you heard me share three dreams that came up when I went through the process myself and the first two, they weren't a surprise, but the third one, it really caught me off guard. It wasn't exciting, it wasn't sparkly, it was simply this. It sleep deeply and wake rested and feel free from anxiety. Not exactly a bucket list kind of dream, right. And I thought I'd be all ready to launch my dreams of traveling and becoming an author. But instead, my body was quietly raising its hand saying, can I get a little rest here? And the more I sat with it, the more I realized that this quiet little dream is actually the foundation. Because if I don't have energy. Then I don't have access to creativity or I don't have clarity or even the motivation to chase the other dreams because if I don't feel well in my body, if I'm wired but tired, if I'm spinning with anxious thoughts, if I'm waking up feeling more exhausted than I did when I went to bed the night before, then it doesn't matter how big or beautiful my dreams are, they're gonna stay unlived. And not because I don't care, but because I don't have the energy to carry them. So I started small and I got curious and I began working with a doctor and I started using the aura ring that tracks things like my sleep quality, my stress patterns, and how well I'm actually recovering each day. Oh, and this reminds me that I promised you, I'd let you know what I decided to name my AA ring advisor, and I finally landed on it. Her name is Liv, LIV. Now, here's why. Olivia, the longer version of the name, it comes from the olive tree, something that's strong, wise, and enduring, but the nickname live is what really sealed it for me. In Scandinavian languages, live literally means life, and I loved that connection because this little advisor on my finger is reminding me to do exactly that to live. To live rested. To live aware of my rhythms, to live in a way that supports my dreams instead of draining them. So when I look down at my ring now, I don't just see a tracker. I see Liv, and every day she's whispering, Hey, take care of yourself so you can keep showing up for what matters most. And here's the hopeful part. I've made real progress. I haven't overhauled my life or anything, but I have taken small steps every single day. To listen to what my body actually needs, and I'm sharing this with you because I know I'm not the only one. I hear it from my clients, my friends, my family, we're tired, we're drained, we're getting through the day, but we've got nothing left at the end of it. And friend, that is not just a personal issue, that's a recovery issue. Let's talk about what is recovery like? What is it really? Well recovery, it's your body's ability to bounce back from stress physically, mentally, and emotionally. That's what recovery is. It's not just about getting sleep, but you know, sleep is a huge piece of it. What it is about is it's about creating small, intentional moments where your body and brain shift out of that go mode and into a repair mode. So when recovery is happening, your heart rate, it slows down, and your nervous system calms your muscles, rebuild your thoughts, settle and. Your emotional overwhelm, it softens. It's not just rest recovery, it's not zoning out with Netflix while you're still scrolling on your phone, and it's not even always an app. Recovery, it's the process of literally returning to yourself like everything else doesn't exist. Go back to yourself because it's when your internal systems, they get a chance to reset. So it's kind of like on your computer when it locks up and you have to hit that control, alt, delete, it needs a reset. And I'm telling you, we all need a control, alt, delete function, and that is what recovery is. And you need it so that you can start again with more energy, have more clarity, and just have more of you intact. Wouldn't that be great? And here's the hard truth. Without regular recovery throughout the day, not just at the end of it. Most of us are ending the day completely depleted, and we're running on fumes. And then we wonder, why am I so unmotivated or uninspired, or I just feel, eh, flat. Today we're gonna go deeper into the science of recovery because understanding how it works on a biological level, it can really help you design a life that's more sustainable, and I'm telling you, way more joyful. The goal isn't just to dream again, the goal is to actually have the energy. To live the dream. I want you to know you are not broken if you crash every few days. You're probably just producing at unreasonable levels without recovery. Until now. That is so, are you ready? Let's get into it. I'm gonna share something with you that my daughter shared with me. Not long ago, before I knew I had this dream of sleeping better and managing my anxiety, I was talking with my daughter in the kitchen about how I was hitting these hard crashes every few days. You know what I mean? The kind of day where your brain fog is so thick, where even simple things like making a coffee or a sandwich or answering a text, they all just feel like, well. Too much. And I was trying to explain it to her how some days I'm fine and then suddenly, well, I'm not, I'm flat, I'm empty. And there's no warning and there's no buffer. And she looked at me and she said, oh, it sounds like you're running outta spoons. And I was like, I kind of paused. And because I had heard the term before, but I had never really connected it. To me, and so she continued to explain to me that it's a metaphor. People with autoimmune disease use to explain their energy. It's like every spoon is an energy source, like a bolt of lightning and every task costs a spoon. And when you're outta spoons, you're outta spoons. And something about that hit me because the truth is we all have a limited number of spoons. We wake up and immediately start spending spoons getting out of bed. That's a spoon. Breakfast chaos with the kids, getting everybody out the door. Oh. But there's a couple spoons there. Back to back meetings where you have to be on. Yeah. Spoon, spoon, spoon. Right. And then what about all the decision making and the emotional regulation and switching between roles? Yes. More spoons, so. The problem isn't just that we're spending the spoons, it's that we aren't doing anything to get them back throughout the day. And we're not optimizing'em. We're just using'em, and we're using'em fast. So those crashes I was describing to my daughter, they weren't mysterious anymore after she explained the spoon theory. They were kind of inevitable because I was spending spoons non-stop. Without pausing to restore, not even one. So here's the thing, your energy isn't just tied to your sleep or your schedule. It's tied to how often you recover between all your energy outputs during the day and when you don't recover. Yeah, your nervous system, it stays in overdrive. Your body is working overtime. Even when you're just sitting there at your desk. Yeah. Your internal systems, they are pumping stress hormones and they're keeping you alert and they're helping you push through. Until you hit the wall and there's no shortcut around it. When you're outta spoons, you're done for the day. Now here's where it gets really interesting. Your body is actually tracking your spoon count all the time through things like your heart rate, your breathing. Your sleep quality and your ability to shift into recovery mode throughout the day, and while I use the Aura Ring, also known as live, to help me see that data in real time, I want you to know that you don't need tech to know when you're tapped out. You just need to start paying attention to yourself. And you just need to start noticing like, are you sighing a lot? Or do simple tasks suddenly feel enormous? Are you making silly mistakes for forgetting basic things? Or do you find yourself snapping over small stuff? If you like, are nodding along here. Yeah. These are signals. They're your body's way of saying, Hey, we are running low on spoons. Please slow down or take a moment to reset. Now, here's the beautiful part of this metaphor. It's not just about the limitations of how many spoons you have. It's about awareness. So when you know you only have so many spoons, you can make more intentional choices about how you want to use them and where you might need to pause to collect a few more. So my question for you is this, how many spoons do you have today? How many and what would it look like to save just one for you. I know that's, that's a big question, what does that look like? Okay, so let's talk about something that took me a really long time to realize not everything that feels restful actually restores us. It's known as false recovery. Let me give you an example. I love a long lunch with friends. I love girls weekends. I love when the kids come over on Sundays and we cook out or swim or play games. All of it. Making these memories, being together, laughing, oh my gosh, it's so much wonderful laughter and I need and want all of it. And for the longest time I thought that counted as recovery. I told myself, well, I'm unwinding, I'm relaxing. I'm getting quality time with friends and family. But here's the twist. After all that beautiful time together, I'm exhausted. Like not just a little tired, like I need to sit down, unwind. No more talking, no more cleaning up the kitchen. No more anything. My social battery is completely drained, and that used to confuse me because. Those experiences are good. Those connections are what matters most to me, but they're also energy depleting, and I've come to accept something that used to make me feel sad or guilty. I'm an introvert, and even the most joyful, love filled connection rich experiences, they still cost me spoons. And so now I don't see that post social crash as failure. I just understand it as part of how my energy works, and more importantly, I've learned to plan true recovery time after those kinds of events. Okay. I mentioned the false recovery trap and so many of us are stuck right there. We are trapped in false recovery. We are filling our calendars with things that look like rest, but still require some version of performance or output. So let's look at some examples of what false recovery is. So exercise classes? Yeah. Your body goes into stress mode when you're exercising. Yes, it's good for you, but it still requires you to have an output of energy date nights with your partner. Yeah. It forces you to be present. That takes energy. Um, if you're do volunteering. That takes energy. You're doing something family time. Yeah. You're hosting, you're cooking, you're shopping, you're planning, you're cleaning up all the stuff, and then just any social event. Even with friends, you're still managing energy and emotions in the conversations. And are these things meaningful? Yes, absolutely. 100%. Are they nourishing in their own way? Yes. But are they true recovery? Mm, not always, because if your energy is still being directed outward, if you're still showing up in a role, even a role that you enjoy, like being mom or grandma or friend or sister, whatever it is, it's not the kind of rest that your nervous system needs to truly restore. Now, this is why this matters for your dreams, because here's the truth, your biggest, your boldest, and most beautiful ideas, they live in your recovery zones. Not your hustle zones, not your to-do list, not even your connection time. When your body feels safe and settled. And when your mind is no longer scanning for the next thing to handle or the next way to show up, something magical happens, guess what? Your creativity comes back on. Your vision clears and your motivation appears again. So if you've been struggling to feel connected to your dreams lately, if the ideals feel stuck and you can't focus and you just feel meh, it might not be a dream problem. It might be an energy problem. So let's talk about what real recovery feels like because real recovery doesn't just look calm. It feels calm on the inside. It might be sitting in your car after an appointment and just breathing. Or maybe just lying on the couch with no goal other than just being you don't have a goal to fall asleep or to nap for 20 minutes. There's no phone, there's no tv, there's no earbuds, or how about take a walk without listening to a podcast and no playlist, just you and your thoughts. It's okay if you don't take me on all your walks. Do a walk without a podcast or a playlist going, and it'll just be you and your thoughts and nature or whatever is is around you. Or how about closing your eyes for five minutes and just let your brain float, let it go wherever it goes. And that's totally fine. Don't think about it as, oh, I'm doing a meditation. Just close your eyes for five minutes and let your brain float. Okay. Here's the difference with doing these things is there's no role to perform. There's nobody to please, and there's no outcome at the end of it. Just you. Returning to yourself, and I'll be honest, this kind of recovery, it doesn't always look impressive and it doesn't get you praise or productivity points, but it's where the real fuel lives. So what if we reframed recovery not as a reward? But as a requirement. Yeah. What if it's a requirement for dreaming well? For living? Well, okay, so now we're gonna zoom in a little bit on the, on the science part of this, okay? Because something really powerful is happening under the surface of all this. Talk about energy and rest. Your body is wired within an incredibly intelligent system for handling stress and recovery. It's called your autonomic nervous system, and it has two branches. One is the sympathetic nervous system. That's also known as the go mode. Your go go, go, you're using your sympathetic nervous system. Then there is your parasympathetic nervous system known as rest mode. So think of these like light switches. Your body is always toggling between the two, depending on what it thinks that you need. The sympathetic nervous system, its performance. This is the state that gets you outta bed. It helps you show up to meetings. It helps you get dinner for the kids to pitch the thing, to do the thing, to remember the other thing. When you're in sympathetic mode, guess what? Your heart rate rises, your stress hormones, like cortisol and adrenaline increase. Your body becomes laser focused on external output, solving, responding, reacting. And this is incredibly useful when you're in action. But here's the thing, this mode drains you over time. It's not built to be your default setting, but for a lot of us it is. Okay? Now let's talk about the parasympathetic nervous system. This is the one most of us skip, the parasympathetic nervous system is the place where true restoration happens. This is where your heart rate slows your digestion, improves your stress hormones, they decrease, and your body shifts into healing, integration, and rest. It may be most importantly for all of streamers is creativity lives in the parasympathetic nervous system. That's right. The ideas you're waiting on. The breakthrough, you can't force the clarity that you're craving. Yeah. They don't arrive when you're in Go mode. So if you've been feeling creatively dry or you're scattered, you're stuck, you're foggy, or maybe you're just spinning, there's a good chance. This isn't a focus problem or a motivation problem. It's a nervous system problem. So your recovery system, it might be offline. But I have really good news. You can actually train your body to toggle more easily between go mode and rest mode. So you can build in micro moments that just send a gentle signal to your nervous system that says, Hey, we're safe. It's okay to slow down now. And so what does this look like? You can take a few deep breaths between tasks. It's that simple. We all breathe. Take a few deep breaths. Take five minutes to step outside. Yeah, that fresh air, woo, is it a great reset. Um, put your phone down during lunch. Don't use your phone as a break. It's not a break. Your sparking stress hormones all over the place when you're on your phone. Um, how about giving yourself permission to not perform for just a little while to just be, now, these might sound simple or maybe they don't sound so simple, but. They're biological interventions. They're not just feel good habits, and what they're doing is they're inviting your body out of chronic activation because that's what it is. We are in chronic activation and it helps us get back into balance. And balance is where your dreams can breathe again, because let's face it, our dreams, they don't need more hustle and more vision boards. They need space. They need a nervous system that isn't constantly fighting to survive the day. So when you practice switching into rest mode, even just for a few minutes at a time, you're not just resting. You are building the conditions for insight and strategy and creativity to return. And when that happens, your dreams stop feeling so far away. Because now you finally have the internal space to move toward them. Okay, friend. I know we have talked about a lot. We have talked about the hidden cost of spending, all your spoons, why some restful things still leave you drained, and how your nervous system, it actually holds the key to unlocking real recovery. So now let's talk about what you can actually do with this awareness, because this isn't about building a new recovery routine that you feel guilty for not sticking to it. This is about tuning in to listening, to adjusting your pace. So let's all recover like the dreamers that we are, and I am going to give you a few tools. Think of this as your. Recovery toolkit. These are tools. They're not rules and they're to help you create some recovery in your day. The first thing that you can try is try creating some zero performance zones. What these are, these are small windows of time where no one needs anything from you. Imagine that, right? No one needs anything from you. You're not a mom, you're not a boss, you're not a helper. Like you're not even a productive human. You're just, you. Try one of these today. Sit in your car before going inside. No phone. Just breathe. Lie down for five minutes without even calling it a break. Just lie down. Don't overthink it. Go for a walk without headphones. Like I said earlier, close your eyes and let your brain go quiet. No to-do list, no fixing. Just be still. And now these moments, they may be small, but this is where the nervous system reboots. And your energy returns and you get some clarity back. Now, if you have a little bit more time and your body is asking for something more, here are some practices that can help shift you into true restoration or recovery. You've probably heard a box breathing, it's where you inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts. And hold for four counts again. And you do this for one to two minutes. That's it. Just in box breathing. Uh, we talked about stepping outside. Actually. They've found that when you step outside within the first hour of waking, it really reinforces your circadian rhythm and it boosts your focus and energy for the day. If you're getting outta bed and walking, you know, down the hallway to your office at home. Make a little detour and go outside first before you do that. Okay. Or you can try some stretching, just some gentle stretching. It really does help release the tension and the stress in your body. How about this one saying no. Say no to one non-essential task this week and see how it feels. Yeah, it feels really good, by the way. Um, and how about doing some journaling? You could ask yourself, what am I carrying today? Maybe you'll notice I'm carrying a lot of stress, or, what am I grateful for today? Or what do I need? Yeah, that's a big one because I don't think we ever ask ourselves, what do we need today? We ask everybody else what they need today but we never take time to ask ourselves what we need, and we need to do that for ourselves. I don't want you to treat these like a checklist. These are just options for when you notice the signs, because you don't need to do more. You just need to tune in more to what's happening in your body. And the last thing that you can try is the spoon. Check-in. You can try asking yourself this every morning, ask yourself, how many spoons do I have today? Because if you didn't get a good night's sleep, you're gonna have fewer spoons today than you did yesterday, and that's okay. And then what you wanna do is you wanna ask yourself, how do you wanna spend those spoons? So if you know you have fewer spoons than yesterday, don't try and do all this kind of stuff that you did yesterday. No, no, no. You're gonna need to dial back your expectations of yourself, okay? And then most importantly, you have to ask yourself, where am I gonna replenish the spoons? Even a little throughout the day. You know what? I'm gonna be more deliberate about stretching. You know what? It's a beautiful day outside. I'm gonna make sure that I step outside once every hour, whatever it is, just be intentional about it and you can even jot it down and you are gonna be surprised by how much clarity that you get from simply acknowledging what's real for you and what's going on. Whew. I know this has been a lot of information, but this matters because this isn't just about feeling less tired. This is about building a life that supports the part of you that dares to dream. When you are constantly depleted your dreams, they feel heavier. You question your direction, you lose your spark, and sometimes you forget what you were working toward in the first place. But when you recover in small, quiet, very imperfect ways, you remember. You reconnect with a version of you that still believes it's possible. You start hearing your intuition again, and you regain the energy to not just think about your dreams, but actually move towards them. Here's your invitation this week. I want you to just pick one moment in your day where you can create time for recovery. Maybe it's over your lunch hour, maybe it's between tasks, right? There's no pressure, there's no perfect timing. Just one pause where you aren't performing. Then notice how you feel afterward. That's it. Let your body show you what's possible when you give it space to rest, because your dreams don't just need a strategy. They need you to be present, rested, and whole.

Carlene: 28:48

Alright, my sweet friend Thank you so much for being here with me today. And remember your dreams. They are waiting for you and your time. It's now and I'll be back next week. Ready to welcome you to our next conversation. Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.