#19: Stop Doing It Alone: How to Find Supportive Friends & Build Your Dream Community

Have you ever reached a huge milestone and realized you had no one to truly celebrate with? Loneliness is real—but you don’t have to go through life alone. Whether you’re chasing a big dream, starting a business, or just craving deeper connections, you’ll learn how to find your people, build meaningful relationships, and create a circle of support—and stop feeling isolated. 

I’ll share personal stories, real-life strategies, and a simple mindset shift that can change everything. If you’ve ever felt like no one truly “gets” you or your dreams, this episode is your reminder that Your people are out there. They need you as much as you need them! 

👉 Plus, don’t forget: You can now text me directly! Tap the link at the top of this  episode description to share your thoughts or request a future episode topic.

Hop on the Today I Can Community Waitlist to be the first to learn when the doors open to new members - that's you. 😉

00:00 Introduction: The Power of Community

00:30 Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast

01:56 Feeling Lonely? You're Not Alone

03:19 Building Meaningful Relationships

06:28 Lead the Way: Be Authentic and Open

10:21 Collaboration Over Competition

15:40 The Importance of Local Friendships

21:00 Finding Your People: Online and Offline

25:23 Conclusion: Invest in Relationships

27:01 Legal Disclaimer

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Transcript

Carlene: 0:00

You just need to be with people who prioritize forward movement on their dreams. That's the energy that you need. I promise you, pursuing your dreams does not have to be a solo mission. Surround yourself with people who get you, who push you, who celebrate you, because that's where the magic happens.

Speaker 3: 0:24

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

Carlene: 0:43

Hello. Hello, dreamers. I am Carlene, your host, of the Distracted Dreamer podcast. Before we dive into today's episode, I wanna share something really cool with you, so you can now send me a text. There is a link right above the podcast description that says, send Carlene a text. Isn't that just the coolest thing? Let's say you want me to cover a certain topic. Just send me a text and say, Hey, can you please talk about X? And you know what? I will do an episode on whatever that is. If something resonates with you in today's episode, send me a text. Let me know what's come up for you. I really wanna know'cause it helps me prepare a podcast that means something to you and that is the whole reason that I'm here. I wanna hear from you. So go give the texting, Go give it a chance. I will hear you and I am going to put episodes out there that are based on what you need, on what you're going through at this time when it comes to your dreams. Okay, so now we're going to dive in. And if you're here listening to this episode, you might be feeling lonely or maybe not supported or seen or heard, and that's kind of an awful place to be. And I want you to know it's a lot more common than you think. So if you're going through this, I wanna give you a big high five for showing up here for yourself today. Okay. And if you know someone who's struggling with loneliness, please share this episode with them. They will feel so cared for that you thought of them. So I have a question for you. Have you ever hit a huge milestone and you realized you had no one to truly celebrate it with? Chip in away at our dreams can feel real isolating. But here's the truth, you don't have to do it. alone. And loneliness has become an epidemic and it's messing with our mental health. It negatively impacts literally every area of our lives, especially the area of our dreams. And over the years, I've learned that the key to thriving and life and business, it, it wasn't about. Doing it all myself, but it is about creating a circle that lifts you up of finding a group of people who support you, who inspire you, and to help you grow in ways that you never thought possible. So in today's episode, we're talking about how to stop doing it. alone, how to build meaningful relationships and find like-minded people and nurture those connections even when life feels overwhelming. Now, if you've ever felt like you're cheering for everyone else, but no one's cheering for you, this episode is your reminder to prioritize connection because when we surround ourselves with the right people, incredible things can happen. I. But I get it. We feel like we can't keep up and finding the time to prioritize connection, it seems like only a wish and you deeply crave relationships and friendships, and yet you look around and you don't feel like there are people in your life. Who truly understand you or why you do what you do, they don't understand your dreams, your drive or what lights you up. And it's so interesting to me because I feel like the world we live in today, in of itself is incredibly isolating. And couple that with the experience where a lot of times you are carving your own path in this world, you are doing something unique that people from the outside looking in, they might not understand. And so when we couple that idea with a lot of what most of us battle, which is imposter syndrome, a lot of times we just tend to self isolate and it feels safer to just stay in our own little island and do the best that we can and figure it out all by ourselves. And I know that that is an experience because I've had it and it's not just a unique experience for me. I think it's something that a lot of us deal with. And on top of all of that. We're juggling multiple roles. Maybe you're a mom, maybe you're a partner. Maybe you're trying to maintain the few friendships you have, and adding new friends just feels like more on your to-do list. But I do think that it is so important that we really prioritize. and make space for real friendships and relationships, and to have a circle that understands you, that lifts you up, that shows up for you, and you show up for them. This deep desire for community is something that I think a lot of us have, but we don't necessarily know how to create it. And maybe we see all the people on social media and we're like, how did they find their people? And where are my people? Or maybe you find yourself living in a small town where your closest friendships are in different cities. But regardless, I think, that having a circle. In your life. of people who love you, who get you, who show up for you, and who support you is so incredibly important. So today we're going to talk about four ways that you can start building a community. It doesn't have to be a hundred people. I'm talking about a small community of people who get you, who get your dreams, who are excited for you, and people. Who? You can do the same for them. Alright, let's dive in. The first way to start building a community or creating connections is for you to lead the way of being open to learning and being authentic. Okay, what do I mean by that? So have you ever gone to an event and everyone is just staying at the surface level? I've been to many events over the years and it's always funny because the first few hours I feel like everyone shows up as their best self. They're pretending their life is perfect and business is great, and maybe you're just standing there like, Hey, I showed up at whatever this event is to get help or to admit that I don't have all my crap together or. I need some support. And I've been in spaces like that where you show up and you're like, am I the only hot mess here? Am I the only person who doesn't have this figured out? And it is so funny to me because I've done this at so many different events where I just sit and watch people's interactions where we want to put our best foot forward. And for so many of us, we've been taught show up, as your best self. First impressions are so important, and I agree with all those things. But what's interesting is, is that if one person starts to authentically let other people in, a chain reaction often happens where all of a sudden everyone is cracking open, being more accessible, being more available, being more honest and authentic, and that, is where real conversations happen and real friendships are born. And so tip one of this is that I want you to be cool with leading the way of being authentic and being open to learning. And if you are invited into spaces, whether they're virtual spaces, like online communities or online courses, or they're in person like meetups, I want you to show up and poise yourself as a learner, not as a know-it-all, not someone who has it all figured out and be willing to go deeper. I mean, I think this is. Real in so many facets of our lives. I remember when my oldest daughter left for college, I felt like someone ripped my left arm off. The emptiness in the house was crushing. I thought, what is wrong with me? I've always heard moms talk about, oh, what a relief it was when their kids left and I was feeling like I dropped her off and left half my heart there with her. I, I couldn't go into her empty bedroom for weeks. And then I shared this with another mom. It. wasn't even a close friend, it was just an acquaintance, and she totally validated what I was feeling. She was like, heck yeah, it sucks. So then I thought, why the heck don't we talk about the struggle part of our kids leaving home for the first time? So I started talking about it? to my friends. And you know what? They all felt relief like, oh, it is okay to feel this way. And we all felt better because we knew we weren't alone. And it's okay to have a great relationship with your kids and miss them when they leave. I didn't have to be fake and buy into the, oh, thank goodness my kid is outta here, because that was not my experience at all. My point is it takes one person to go first, and so what my dream would be is that your community is filled with people who are willing to go first, who are willing to show up and say, I don't have all the answers. I might have figured out a few things, but I wanna be open to learn. And that's very important when we're chipping away at our dreams. And I also wanna be honest with you here. The more we open up, the more that we're honest and authentic, the deeper our friendships go, and the more that we're able to have a genuine connection. Okay, moving on to number two is to stop looking at everyone else who is chasing a similar dream as yours, as competition, and open yourself up to collaboration and shared experiences. I wanna tell you that I know how easy it is to want to isolate yourself, especially at the beginning of working towards your dreams. Especially if you are someone, which I think this might be everyone who battles imposter syndrome. And I remember clear as day when I first started my coaching business, I was an imposter. I felt like an imposter. I remember looking at everyone else's websites, feeling like everybody else was competition. I remember just the scarcity of the entire experience. I couldn't see that there was this room for community in those early days, and I just didn't have the bandwidth to even see that. Wow. There are other people who are doing this that I could come alongside of. I. And so if you are at the beginning, whether you've just started chipping away at your dreams, your business, or you have a new idea that you're pursuing, being stuck in the mindset that everyone else is your competition, it's only gonna hold you back from forming relationships with the people in your life and the world who actually understand what it is, that you're doing and why you're doing it. So listen to this. There is a study done in 2019, done by Practical Journal that found that every business owner or founder that they surveyed described their experience is lonely. With 77% reporting that running a business negatively impacted their mental health. Now. This stat can feel very scary. In fact, it just makes me feel sad. But the reality is, is that entrepreneurship is hard and lonely. And even if you're not an entrepreneur, like that's not your dream. Going at your dream alone is no different. No matter what it is. The loneliness is what negatively impacts your mental health, and my dream is to figure out how can we break that? And how can we figure out where this idea of isolation is even coming from? Because I honestly think that this tendency for us to isolate. Often stems from fear and comparison, and what I want us to shift to is understanding that if we build a community, it requires this massive shift from going from this scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. But it also requires us to put ourselves out there. To acknowledge that there are other people on a path similar to the one that we're on, and theirs might not look exactly the same, they might not do the exact same things, but if we wanna be around people who truly understand what we're doing day in and day out, who understand the struggles and the triumphs, who can celebrate our wins and commiserate, when things just don't go as planned, then we have to start aligning ourselves with other people that are on a similar trajectory and similar mission. And so my second tip here is this. Start by reaching out to just one peer in your industry or someone who's focused on a similar dream as yours, and opening the door to collaboration or sharing your experiences. When you can create a friendship and a relationship with somebody who gets it, I promise your world cracks open in one of the most beautiful ways possible. In fact. I remember the first few years of my coaching business, it was incredibly isolating. I was the one creating the isolation. I was the one building my business on an island. And when I started to see that entrepreneurship can be this collaborative experience where we can work together, where we can share clients and give referrals, where we can give tips and insight, oh my gosh. It's like my world cracked open and it felt so much less lonely. In fact, I met two other female coaches years ago at a conference when I was just starting out and we just clicked and we were all at different places in our business and we serve different populations, we have different goals, but to this day, we meet once a week for two hours, and during this time we talk about what's going well and we celebrate each other. We also ask for input on new ideas or areas where things aren't going as we hoped, and we get what each other is going through because we're in it too, and it's so powerful to have people who get it, who want to help and support you and who you can support right back. That connection is so invaluable and whatever dream you are pursuing, and remember, it doesn't have to be the exact same dream. And so tip number two again is we have to focus on the mindset that is likely keeping us stuck and holding us back from forming relationships. And we have to go from seeing everybody else as our competition to understanding that there can be, and there is true community waiting for you on the other side of that. Alright, number three, and the third way that you can build some community is. You have to find local in-person friends, and I know we've all heard this before, but I have realized over the last few years as my friends and I have experienced the great scattering, moving to different states after our kids have grown and left home, or as we approach retirement, the absolute importance of having people where your home is and having local friends. It truly makes all the difference in the world. And what I think is really interesting is when I look back at who my closest friends are in my life, a lot of them have been in my life for years and years and years, but a lot of them, they don't live in Tennessee. And so my closest friendships are with people that are states away. I. And oftentimes as an introvert, I don't even really feel lonely. I mean, I can literally stay home for days on end and not feel lonely at all. And maybe it's the nature of talking to my clients and running my online community. I. So I don't feel like this big need to go out and make new friends. And then to top it off, I consider myself very blessed that when we moved to Tennessee a year ago, I had people here already in addition to my middle daughter already being here with her now husband. My sister had already moved to Tennessee as did two of my very, very best friends, and that made the transition so much easier than if I had to start over. But there was this weird gaping hole of me missing my Pure Bar friends. So I've worked out at, pure Bar for years. I go three or four times a week, and they were just like my people that I would see every day. And well, not every day, but three or four times a week. That's a lot to see people in person. So when I moved, I started going to the Pier Bar here. And it felt so, uh, well, not like my place, not home, but I kept showing up and I've made a few really great connections with people. And one of them is my neighbor who lives right up the street from us. And we talk about the neighborhood and decorating our houses and text each other things we think the other would like. And my other new friend who is the sweetest, kindest person I've ever met, we've gone out for coffee and lunch. We text each other, we check in with each other if the other one doesn't show up to class. And she's a big fan of my podcast, and she always shares when an episode resonates with her. I mean, what a great friend. So you see. Like this podcast is a dream of mine. You, if you've been listening to me, you know this. And so having somebody who I see three or four times a week kind of validate that this is working, that what I'm saying resonates with her, right? She's supporting my dream. So you see, she doesn't have to be in the podcast business to support what I do. But you know what? It took me showing up three to four times a week, giving those 10 minute conversations before class, a chance to create these connections because friendships take time. You gotta keep showing up and you gotta show interest in someone else. And so I think oftentimes we're quick to say, where do you even meet people? But there's a good chance that there are awesome community events happening no matter where you live, whether you live in a big city or a small town like we do, where you can meet people, find something you're interested in, and you will find people who you can build a connection with based on that common interest or dream. My challenge to you is not like, well, where am I going to meet people? Because obviously you can meet people at the gym or at church, or at the library, or at a bar or bingo night or whatever it is, but really putting yourself in the position to meet new people and to be open-minded when you do, that's the challenge. So maybe the goal is that you attend to some local event. Maybe it's a school event, a community event, or a professional event. Put something on your calendar in the next month and go to this experience being willing to strike up a conversation and to meet somebody new. So going to the event, yeah, that's great. You gotta get there. But if you are not in that frame of mind, to start up a conversation and to meet somebody new. Well, you might as well not go to the event if, if your goal is to make connections, right? So I promise you that there is so much beauty in having local friendships and just putting yourself out there in new ways. You learn a lot about yourself and you learn a lot about your community and it is just an amazing way to broaden your circle and have people in your corner who are like the 2:00 AM type of friends that can come over at a moment's notice and help support you. And I think deep down, all of us want that. We want those sitcom friendships, but we often don't put ourselves in the position. To actually create them and to foster them. Having in-person friends, I swear there is something magical that happens that when you sit at tables with other people, it is like this contagious energy that will pour into your life and make you feel supported and seen. But it will also give you the opportunity to have real friendships that go so much deeper than the internet. Speaking of which is. The last way to start building your community. Number four is to start putting yourself in places where your people are gathering, whether it's a mastermind or an event or an online community. And I just really think if we wanna be in the right place at the right time, we have to be paying attention. We have to be intentional. We have to be putting ourselves in those places and making the time and effort and investment in getting yourself into the right room, seated at the right table, and being fully present and all in in different areas where you're poised to meet people and to build friendships and relationships. It's life changing, so never underestimate the power of getting yourself into those types of rooms where you are ready to foster relationships. You're ready to show up authentically. You're ready to learn. Or you're ready to teach or you're ready to just have your life. transformed. And again, it doesn't have to be this crazy investment. It could be absolutely free, where a peer group of people in your area get together and you share what's working and what's not working, and you create space to ask questions and maybe do a show and tell. So a really great example of this. Is, in my today, I can community. So people are chipping away at very different dreams in my community, be it building their therapy practice or writing a book or growing their landscape business or their coaching practice, navigating a dream, move to another state or organizing their home and whatever the dream is, we're all in there supporting each other. We're there every week. Co-working together, we're getting coached and whatever people are struggling with, we're all there to celebrate each other's wins, to encourage each other, to hold each other accountable. You just need to be with people. I. Who prioritize forward movement on their dreams Again, I'm gonna say this again'cause it's so important. You just need to be with people who prioritize forward movement on their dreams. That's the energy that you need. You do not have to have the exact same dreams. And here's another cool thing that I've seen in my community, is that some people have formed some really deep connections, that they've even taken vacations together. Isn't this so cool? I think that is so cool and it feels really good to, me that I set this community up and that was kind of the catalyst for that friendship to form. That's very cool. Those are connections that really matter and you make the connections that you want them to be. And if you don't want to be lonely, if you want to. be heard, if you want to be celebrated and supported, you have to find that place that feeds that need. But just never underestimate the power of getting people together that are willing to authentically show up and share. That is where your circle is made. And I would argue too, that this is especially critical for those of us who work from home, listen to this stat. According to the New York Post, a recent study revealed that 25% of remote workers feel that their social skills have declined while working from home, which highlights the need for intentional social engagement, meaning just like I said, I can literally be home for days on end, and a lot of times us introverts and us creative folks, we often don't put ourselves in rooms like that where we need to be social and we need to communicate and we need to put ourselves out there. If you are someone who feels like maybe your social skills have suffered or you haven't necessarily put yourself in the position to create these friendships, this is my challenge for you because surrounding yourself with people who challenge and inspire you is. 1000% worth the investment of time. Money and effort. I will argue it until I'm blue in the face. So here's what I want you to do. Do some research, research and see if you can. find a mastermind or a conference or a networking event or even a free Facebook community or join my today. I Can community. I've put the link to get on the wait list so you get all the details when I open the community for new members soon. But do your research. Find your people. Your people are out there. Your people are waiting for you. They're waiting to support your dreams. Alright, friend, as we wrap up today's chat, here's the deal. Building a supportive community, it isn't just a nice to have, I will argue. It is a need to have, especially as we pursue our dreams. And having real and authentic connections. Those are the ones that are going to give you the encouragement. They're going to give you fresh ideas. They're going to help you see the opportunities that you need in order to grow. Here is your official nudge. Swap the competition mindset for collaboration. Invest in the relationships that matter. Find your in-person friends. Put yourself in the position to make new friends. I. I promise you, pursuing your dreams does not have to be a solo mission. Surround yourself with people who get you, who push you, who celebrate you, because that's where the magic happens. So until next time friend, remember that connections that you start building today. can totally change your tomorrow. I love spending time with you here. And if today's episode sparked something for you. I'd love to hear about it. Leave a review, share it with a friend or come chat with me on Instagram. And thank you so much for tuning in. And your dreams. Or waiting for you. Your time. Is now. And I can't wait to see you in the next episode. Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.